I need support too!!

[jnorton22002]

Hi every body who reads this.

First let me say that I'm fine and committed to my journey. Today, I was confronted by one of my sons. He told me point blank he thinks this is wrong, that I don't know what I'm doing, and I must be sick, in so many words.ALL my children now know along with the two mom's whom I was married to. Am I heart broken? yes Do I hurt from this? Yes. Will it change me? NO. I'm very close to tears here and now but I hope some of you can reach out with some form of support. I NEED TO BE JONI. I am a woman in a man's body. I have been all my life. Some how, I knew this was going to happen. I prayed it wouldn't but it has. My heart is on the ground right now.

I only hope that those of you who feel you understand can bolster me up. I will move forward yes. It will be hard to do it alone. I hope that some of you know me well enough to know I'm full of love for all people. I love my children to death, but I fear none of them will I ever hear from again.

Thanks all who read this. No matter what comes from this post, I still love all of you wonderful people. It has been you guys that has given me hope for the future.

Love to all Mama J :-[ :-[ :-[ :-[ :-[ :-[

 

[Brazilian_Girl89]

Hi Joni,

I am sorry for all you are going through right now, and although I haven't met anyone in your situation I can understand how painful it is and I can show you the position of "kid upset at father"...

A few years ago my dad, who was the hero of my life, made something that hurted really deeply and destroyed my family.. he cheated on my mother.. and I would never ever in my life believe that he would do this...
I was 16 years old and fell in depression, cried every single night and almost went into a very bad path (didnt Thank GOD) and was really angry at him... those were such hard times.. and know what? it's all gone now.. like that saying "This too shall pass"

After getting older and mature I understood that my parents are human just like I am, they are not a type of god... they fall, they are not perfect, and most important thing, they are who they are, not who I think they should be.. and I love them just the way they are..

What my dad did was too bad, and although he knew i was feeling hate for him he kept bringing me breakfast on my bed every morning, saying that he loved me more than anything ..plus giving me TIME to think and understand his side too (he's not a dogg haha, but the marriage was already screwed up and he fell in love for someone else)..and finally I was able to forgive him completely..after 2 years..
Your case is even easier since you are not doing anything wrong! Your son dont need to forgive you, only accept you, and he will do sooner or later

The acceptation may be really hard for some people, mainly if they have already built an image of how that person should be.. but it will come, gotta be patient

I know its very hard to hear such tough words from your son's mouth, but all i have to say is, they still love you for death even if they say anything different... I know it cause I already said a lot of bad things to my dad and they were all lies :

I can tell for sure it wont last long! Even not knowing you for real, I can see how you are such a sweetheart and lovely person

And most important... besides giving them time to understand, keep being the wonderful dad they know..and this too shall pass

and sorry for my broken english ::-[

 

[jnorton22002]

Thank you sooo much Boobs, your kind words really help. This IS WHO I Am. I'm Joni, not John. Your words help bring me some level of peace Hugs to you and I'm sooooo very glad you forgave your dad. I hope, oh how I hope my kids will too. Ultimately, it IS my life, but I want them to be a part of me Hugs Mama J :-* :-* :-*

 

[DollyAmbition]

Hello Joni,

I understand how you could feel devastated by this. I would be too. Something to keep in mind though is: how long did it take you to realize and accept this about yourself? I imagine this took time. It will take time for your loved ones to adjust and accept too. All you can do is be patient, answer any questions as best you can in a way appropriate to age/maturity of the child/person, and continue to be a good parent.

:hugs:

Laura

 

[LAWMANN2004]

HI Mamma J,
It is a hard thing to face, but I know that You are doing the right thing for you.
This is a time for your kids right now, but they will still love you, even after all is
said and done. They are still under the impression of you being the father figure
in their lives. Give them time to come to realize that what you are going thru now
is something that you MUST do to continue living a sane and healthy life.
It must be hard to deal with right now, with the hormones doing their work and all.
They will come to accept the fact that this is something that must be done for you
to live life to the fullest.
Please rember, you are someone very special to me. Keep your chin up and it will
pass too in time. My wish to you is , Stay safe, and keep those spirits up!!!!!!!!!!!
Lots of luv go's from me to you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Jamie2

 

[Strumpet]

Hey Joni,

I'm sorry to hear this happened to you. I think like a few others have said, the reaction from your family will get better with time. It's a hard thing for them to face, but they're still your family and I'm sure they still love you.

I know it's really tough to feel like you're going through all of this alone, but remember that you have this community on the forum always to give you support. We're here for you!

::hugs::
-Strumpet

 

[Lily13]

I wanted to share a personal story Joni. My brother about 2 years ago came out of the closet and told us he was gay. At the time he was 18 years old, but he knew he was gay at age 11 but was afraid of what he was feeling. At first I was really taken aback by this, didn't want to believe it etc because he had dated many girls before this and was in a few "serious" relationships. I was never mad at him, but I was definitely upset because I thought he'd get married, have children etc.

Fast forward and now I couldn't care less of whom he chooses to be with. I just want him to be happy and if this he what makes him happy, then that's great. He is still my brother (regardless of his sexual choices) and mostly importantly I still love him. I think my parents were WAY more upset about it (especially my Dad), but they still love him and support him too.

It might just take some time, but I think your children will come around. Just hang in there Joni! I think the toughest part is done now because it is out there in the open.

 

[jnorton22002]

Hi all of you lovely people. Just got home, and I'm totally exhausted. My little kitties are here with me. I think they know something isn't right. It has been one of the longest days of my life. I think the only longer day was the day I learned I had cancer.

ALL OF YOU are right. When I struggle with things, I really get in a mind over matter mode, and do allot of serious thinking. It is correct, they need time. The only thing that made it sooooooo very hard was hearing the angry words, the pointed talk. I will press forward. I know what I'm doing, and I know WHO I AM.
\
All of you are just sooooo wonderful. I only hope I can continue to measure up to all of you. You all INSPIRE me

Thank you from the bottom of my heart Mama J :-* :-* :-* :-* :-* :-* :-*

 

[Rachiex]

Awwww Joni

So sorry to hear that. It must be because it is a shock to them. It will take time but they will realise that you are still the same person (although probably happier and more comfortable because you can be yourself and have more confidence in yourself).

I remember when I heard my parents were divorcing. Although it's not the same sort of thing, because I was so shocked, I was angry at them even though it wasn't their fault and they didn't really need my anger because they were having a tough time of it already. After a whiles, I realised that obviously it wasn't their fault and I realised I needed to support them in what they were doing because I wanted them to be happy. I hope this is what happens to you too.

You sound like such a lovely person and I really feel and hope that this is just a reaction to a hard time for everybody.

Lots of love X

 

[wishful]

MAMA J,
Just read this after my personal message to you. And to think I'm dumping on you!!!! I'm so sorry to have bothered you with my trivial "problem." I too am having a rift with my son. He is being brainwashed by his wife. My husband & I moved cross country 4 years ago to help my daughterinlaw with her 4 children because my son was deployed to Iraq for 18 mo. I gave up my job & my husband left his family. Now she is (subtly) keeping us from seeing our grandchildren. In the course of these 4 years, she had 2 more children & is pregnant now. Our son was also deployed a second time to Iraq. So we gave her everything & she is doing this in return. Our grandchildren were our life. So I totally understand your heart break & support you 1000% in your quest to be who you were always meant to be - one of us women.

 

[jnorton22002]

Again thank you all for ALL of your kind words. The thing is I know it will take time for them. I guess it is what my one son said to me that really made it hard. I am better today, but come Thanksgiving it will be hard again. Wishful, You need not worry about "dumping on me", that is what makes me HAPPY. To help others is so very important to me. Many times I learn from helping others. It also goes out to every one here. I love to help people. It is what my purpose on this earth is about. The good Lord has a purpose for every one, and mine is to help others feel good about themselves. Along the way, I try to help myself as much as possible. My love to all. You all are very special to me Love Mama J :-* :-* :-* :-* :-* :-*