Nilly19's pics

eva_bs

New Member
Hi Nilly19!!!
First of all I'm really really sorry to read about what happend to you!!!I was like "oooooo...no....what an a** hole!!!!(sorry, But I couldn't help it....)
It really pisses me off when I read something like that!!!!I don't know what I would have done if that would happen to me!!!!I would be so angry!!!I would never ever again look in to his eye's again!!!!
Second....You certainly do not deserve such a thing!!!!Never ever in your life!!!!Do not make him look like he was miserable - cus he's not!!!
He did something that is very wrong!!!!How did he think you will respond???he thought it will make you do with him things?!
I also didn't do any thing with my boyfriend (now he is my husband)...It took me 4 years until I was ready.
I know you say that he is a man...and they have very high needs...But if he really loves you....I mean really....He would never ever in his life do such a thing to you....only to have sex for his desire!!!!( there are diffrent things he can do alone....I know it's not like the real thing...but still...)
You need to know that you deserve better than that!!!!much much more!!!!Do not let him make you feel like every thing was your fault!!!!It's only his!!!Don't give him to feel that what he have done was o.k.!!!!If he did it once....he will easily do it again!!!!

I'm really sorry if this posts sounded really rude!!!! :-\
I just wrote to you from my heart!!!!
I really hope you will find someone who will accept you the why you are no matter what!!!! :-*
I hope you will feel better!!!!!Just remember that you didn't do anything wrong!!!!
:-*
 

nilly19

Member
hey you lovely ladies, thank you for the support, it really makes me feel better. many of my friends have abandoned me because i was never able to leave this man...i am so attached to him and i despise myself for it..i take his comments so seriously that it made me hop on the noogleberry train..
eva you are a darling for telling me your husband waited 4 years...after 2 months my ex started the manipulation and saying things like " i look at other girls wondering if they can please me." he still tells me that no other man will wait for me as long as he has, and that i will never find someone better than him..he says it so much that i start to believe it...i dont know how to get out..i feel nauseous when he doesnt call or if he is acting cold and distant .. i have been tempted to just give in and have sex so many times...but deep down i always knew that if i did, it would be worse not better. thanks for the post eva, you made me smile. and that1spaztichik, thanks for the offer , it really makes me feel better knowing i can talk...my friends are very disappointed in me and i cant look them in the eyes..they tell me i need to leave this man, but its just so difficult for me and they say we can't stay here and watch you get hurt over and over again so its either us or him.
 
M

morninghello

Guest
Nilly, I'm sorry that you're feeling so down. I think it's a bunch of BS that "men have higher sex needs"... it's a total construct and it just legitimizes the act of a dude cheating as something he "had to do" (it also legitimizes sexual assault, but I won't get into that here). No - we're all people and people can make the decision to not hurt others. No matter what gender, a person can choose to break up with someone before having a sexual relationship with someone else. Alternatively, the people in a relationship can communicate their needs and each decide what they want to do next.

In no way did you bring any of his verbal abuse or manipulation upon yourself. It makes my heart ache to read that you feel that way. That's the thing about abusers... they want you to feel like it's your fault. "If only you did [this], I wouldn't have had to do [this]." It's childish and a sign of a person who is not going to be selfless enough for an adult relationship of mutual respect and love. You do not want this guy in your life. There is someone out there that will not treat you this way, and, in the meantime, enjoy not being attached to some jerk who sounds pretty awful. Also, don't feel bad for not getting out the situation sooner. You're out now and that's what matters. As far as your friends being disappointed in you for not leaving him, they should be disappointed in him for treating you like crap. It is never your duty to have sex with someone, even in a relationship, and it should never be something you "give in" to just to appease your partner. You deserve a healthy relationship in which your feelings will be respected.

Feel free to PM me if you want to talk. Stay strong, lady!
 

Anastasia916

New Member
Of course I agree with the other ladies, and before told you you deserved better and that this guy was a complete asshole and didn't deserve you. And I don't care if you made him wait, if he decided to stay with you, it's only his fault that he had to wait at all. If that is not something he wanted, he should have moved on and broke up with you. If someone really loved you, they would respect that you were not ready and waited as long as it takes. Males use that excuse as morninghello said for everything. I was raped by a boyfriend I was with for 3 months, and of course he said the same shit, "you made me do this, you teased me beyond imagination and you wouldn't give me what I needed, so I had to take it" thing about it is, sex is NOT A NEED!!! Period, do not let them convince you otherwise. It is a desire and want. If they need to "release" they can masturbate. My husband told me that yes, sex is better, but he can get himself off within 2 minutes if he really needed it. He was with an ex of his almost a year and they didn't have sex cause she was a virgin, and he never pressured her. He was waiting until she was ready. Well she ended up cheating on him, he waited for nothing basically. So bad things happen to everyone, it goes both ways. But also I basically lost all desire to have sex for a while, and he wouldn't try to force me to do it. He understood, he didn't cheat on me, nor did he make a big fuss about it. If someone loves you, they will love you if you have sex or not. Sex is not the thing that keeps people together. And know that NONE of the stuff your ex did to you or said to you did you EVER deserve. He put it in your mind that you did, but believe me you don't. As I told you my ex that I was with 4 years was similar in mentally abusing, and he tried to make me believe I deserved it all. He also said the same shit your ex is saying. That no one will love me the way he did, no one will put up with me, no one will want a single mother, that's just used goods and baggage. I've heard it all. And none of that is true. A real good man will love you just the way you are and accept you no matter what. My husband knew I was a single mom, knew I had a kid, and all before we even met. He didn't care. Now we are married and he treats my son as his own, most have no clue my son isn't his till I say something, cause he introduces him as his son. The best thing for you to do... stop ALL contact with your ex. If you listen to his BS you will end up taking him back. Block him from calling and texting, block his emails, move, change your numbers, whatever you have to do. Stop all contact period and completely forget about him. Do not try to move on though, don't worry about men period. Concentrate on yourself. I know where you are at right now. My ex completely broke me down, I had to find myself again, learn to love myself again, remember that you cannot love someone else until you love yourself. After my ex I was convinced I couldn't live without him, then I tried it and found, hey I can! Once I lived without him, forgot about him completely, and trust me this was even harder for me to do as we had a child together, what I did was got my cousin to do pick up and drop off for the visitations so I wouldn't have any contact with him. Or his mother would come to my place and do it. Well after I lived without him, found myself again, learned to love myself again, and realized I am better off without him. Looking back now... I feel so stupid, he disgusts me now. I could never in a million years see myself getting back with him, and there will be a point when that realization happens to you. It's not over night. It took me many months. I had left my ex about a year and a half before I met my hubby. So I was single that long. I think people fear being alone, that's why they fear leaving someone they been together for a long time with, even if it's the best thing for them. There is nothing to be afraid of, I was perfectly happy being single. Heck I wasn't even looking when I found my hubby, it just sorta happened, and I'm glad it did, but if it didn't I would have been fine. Be strong hun, stand your ground, block him out of your life completely, and in a few months after you've healed from this you will look back and say "damn Anastasia was right" lol.
 

katieb

New Member
I just wanted to echo what Anastasia has said much better than I could. I have been in the same position as you, including losing a lot of friends because I was infatuated with a man who treated me like dirt. Just be glad you're out of it now. It sounds like a cliche but time IS a great healer and once the rose tinted glasses are off and you see this creep for what he really is, you'll be fine. Please don't blame yourself for what happened, it is not your fault and in time you'll see that. I wasted so long feeling bad about myself with no self-esteem whatsoever and now have so many regrets about that time of my life. Give yourself a break, you sound like a wonderful person with so much going for you.

p.s. Amazing progress with your boobs!
 

Anastasia916

New Member
jeane, no offense but you are a male, you can't understand what it's like and what exactly we are talking about here. And yes you can have love without sex! What you said stands no ground. I know a handicapped woman, very beautiful, she got in a bad car wreck at 17 and left her paralyzed from the waist down. She cannot have regular sex, she doesn't feel any pleasure in that way, and she was recently married to a wonderful husband who loves her for her. And they were dating for a year and a half before he proposed, and during that time she never once pleased him sexually, and he never cheated on her, he spent every single bit of his free time with her. So like I said, no you don't have to have sex to have love, and I'm going to say my mind on this... for you to say that, you obviously think like all the other male pigs like the one nilly dealt with. Males and females think differently, it's scientifically proven. Males think about sex every 8 seconds. So yes I would imagine that YOU would think you have to have sex to love someone. But the fact is, females don't and not every male does. There are good men out there that would love and stay with a woman even if she couldn't please him sexually. If a man really loves a woman, he would put his own selfish desires aside. And I think the "no sex without love" is false as well. Plenty of men and women have sex with random partners without feeling anything for them except lust. So again, both things you said are false and stand no ground whatsoever.
 

eva_bs

New Member
Anastasia!!!
great post!!!
I think also that you don't have to have sex to have love....That's how you know someone really loves you!he loves you the way you are and not because the sex!!!:)
;)
 
Hi Nilly, Well good job that NB was there for you. I ended up having surgery, as a back lash from relationship and grieving for a loved one that had died. All these years later I am now having mine 're-done', 3 or so years after having implants removed and of trying natural methods. And I know how you feel about the guy too. I was absolutely infactuated and in love and it took me a long time to get over the guy that tipped me over the edge. Funnily enough, i am now friends with him - he didn't know how much he had affected me back then and it has helped me get closure to the whole thing (12 - 13 years later!!). Don't let it take so long for your heart to heal - you are still so young and will have plenty of opportunities for love in life. Emotionally kick this guy to the kerb - you deserve better and there are PLENTY of fish in the sea! xx
 

nilly19

Member
thanks you beautiful girls, you've really made me smile
Edit: i pretty much had to take out this entire post that i'd posted a year ago in fear of someone I know seeing (it was about an ex of mine)
 

Anastasia916

New Member
Nilly, if he is putting bruises on you, whether he calls it "being playfull" says it's "all your fault" etc. he IS abusing you, period. And he is clearly abusing you mentally. And mental, psychological abuse is MUCH MUCH worse than physical. Most people don't realize that but it's true. My ex that abused me more mentally screwed me up worse than the one that raped me. The physical stuff is just easier to get over, when someone gets in your head it's hard to heal. Bruises and scars on the body heal, physical pain goes away after a while, but mental pain will stay with you forever. I still to this day cry myself to sleep sometimes because of the shit my ex put me through mentally, it doesn't go away unfortunately. But it depends on how you deal with it. I sometimes think about it sure, I cry myself to sleep over it, but the next day I'm fine, I don't dwell on it, I don't allow it to ruin my happiness and life. But yea, it can get bothersome if you allow it to. There was a couple times my husband went to make love to me and was a little forceful and all I could think about was stuff from the past, I broke down and started crying. He would stop and ask me what was wrong, as soon as I could think straight I would tell him and he would just tell me how sorry he was over and over and hold me. But it wasn't his fault. But now since we've been together a bit longer I haven't had those episodes anymore. So yes time can heal some, but if he has been mentally abusing you how it seems to me, then it will always be there. But yea about my original point, NO MAN should EVER put his hands on you in a way that causes pain, period. If you are getting bruises, he knows damn well what he is doing and it's abuse! And an abusive guy will only get worse, not better. From what you have been telling me... if you stayed with him and eventually had sex with him, he would have gotten what he's been "chasing" and would have pretty much been done with you, or would have continued to tear you down, telling you on you aren't good in bed and the girl with the big boobs was better, she worked it better, etc. like I said, guys like that just get worse. I think he was just staying with you to take your virginity to have the bragging rights for it with the guys. Trust me guys like that are trash. And yea my hubby's ex that cheated on him that was a virgin, she cheated on him with his own cousin! And then got pregnant by him, he left her, and then she came begging back to my hubby, and stupidly like the rest of us, he was wearing rose colored glasses and he took her back for a lil while, but couldn't take what she did and broke up with her. He said he stayed with her through most of her pregnancy, but then she kept trying to push him to get married to her and that's when he realized she was using him and just wanted a daddy for her baby that was his cousin's! So that's when he woke up and realized what she was and left. We all tend to let our emotions get the best of us, but you are in the first step... realizing he is a jerk and that you need to leave him as you deserve better. And that step is the biggest step. I use to volunteer at a raped and battered women's support group when I was in the states, and you wouldn't believe the stories I've heard.

One woman, she fell in love in high school, got married when she graduated, got pregnant in the first month of marriage, and once pregnant her husband changed, did a complete 180. He started doing drugs, heavy drugs, like crystal meth. He started abusing her while she was pregnant, she had her baby early because of it. Then he would get his mother to watch the baby telling his mom he was going to take his wife on a date. Then he would drug her, or sometimes without drugs, beat her, force her down on their bed, tie her to the bed with rope then chain her down so she couldn't move, nude of course, and he would bring MULTIPLE guys in, one after the other allowed to do whatever they wanted to her as long as they paid him! He basically was forcing her to prostitute against her will! Just so he could have money for his drugs. And because she thought "oh he'll change" "it's all my fault anyway" etc. she stayed with that pig for 2 more years of that shit. And he also mentally abused her tearing her apart emotionally everyday. She finally woke up one day, she said that he tied her to a chair, clothed this time, and got some girls over, I believe hookers, and fucked them in front of her, but this time her child was home! So that was the last straw for her. And she left him and never looked back. Proved to the cops what he had been doing to her and that he was forcing her to prostitute. He is now serving jail time, for that and on drug related charges. So like I said, they always get worse. This guy started with just calling her names and tearing down her self esteem, just like your ex. My ex did the same, he started with the name calling, yelling at me for no fucking reason, then he started getting more forceful in arguments and started slapping and hitting me, but of course I fought back, then I left him when he started getting forceful with our own child! So trust me, it only gets worse, not better. No matter how much they tell you they'll change, they're sorry, they still love you, they want you back, it's all BS. Stand your ground, leave and never look back.

Oh and for the record I never married my son's father ;) he told me he wanted to marry me, that is why I got pregnant initially. My son was planned, most people don't know that. I got pregnant at 16 had him at 17 because my ex wanted to get married, but my mom wouldn't give permission, so only way I could is if I was pregnant or had a child with him... so that's what I did, got pregnant. I was ready for a kid, I was more mature for my age. He was the one that hit a brick wall. Well anyway, once I was pregnant is when he changed. Because at first he was all happy about it, ready for his child to be born. Then when I was I believe 3 or 4 months pregnant he changed his mind and told me to get an abortion. I told him to go to hell, that I would never kill my child. So that's when he changed, started the abuse. After the baby was born he asked me again to marry him, but I refused. I told him I'm not marrying an asshole. That when he decided to change back into the person I fell in love with that's when I'd marry him. That never happened of course. I stayed with him a few years after that only because he was my son's father, but like I said, his abuse got worse and worse, and when he started directing it at my child, that's when I left. He also cheated on me around the same time.

So yea my main point here is, stand your ground, don't listen to his BS, you leave and never look back. You'll be fine. And if you ever need someone to talk to, you can PM me and I'll shoot you my email address.

Just concentrate on you and your happiness, don't worry about that undeserving asshat.
 

charitywat88

New Member
Hey nilly19, how are you? Just reading the post and saw you hadn't posted for a few days and got a bit worried about ya. :) hope your doing ok. Praying for ya girl. :)
 

bonzaigirl

New Member
katieb said:
I just wanted to echo what Anastasia has said much better than I could. I have been in the same position as you, including losing a lot of friends because I was infatuated with a man who treated me like dirt. Just be glad you're out of it now. It sounds like a cliche but time IS a great healer and once the rose tinted glasses are off and you see this creep for what he really is, you'll be fine. Please don't blame yourself for what happened, it is not your fault and in time you'll see that. I wasted so long feeling bad about myself with no self-esteem whatsoever and now have so many regrets about that time of my life. Give yourself a break, you sound like a wonderful person with so much going for you.

p.s. Amazing progress with your boobs!


well said anastacia... and katie... i too had been with a man for 5 years... he was very good with our friends but he's relationship with me.. was.. well ...let's just say "that it was the the best of times..it was the worst of times" he made me feel so small that when i got out of the relationship 5 years later, i didn't know what kind of person i wass... my life just revolved around him.. and he liked it that way... it's been 8 years since we broke up and all i can say is taht ..time is a great healer... and this t too shall pass... it took me 5 years to finally move on after htat guy... it was really hard for me to trust other men... i know i shouldn't bother you with my sob story but my point is that, many women have done it .. and you will also... so these days may be kind of miserable and lonely for you.. bit it gets better... and that it's good that you got away from that relationship early on.. hope you 'll heal soon.. and by the way, your boobs looks better..h ave a great day always....oh.. and lastly.. it is true what they say about frogs... you do have to kiss a few frogs..before actually finding your prince :)
 

Aim4c

New Member
Hi Nilly,

Be proud of yourself for not giving in to his pressure. Only you will know when it's the right time and trust me, he was NOT the right man for you. My husband waited for a year before I decided to be his girlfriend (still no sex at that time)...I had told him I was not ready to date anyone but we couold be friends. I also told him that there was no guarantee I will choose to date him when that time comes. He said he was willing to take that chance. then he waited another year before we had sex...by that time we were already engaged. Now we've been happily married for 13 years.

Be thankful he's out of your life; He was occuppying space and preventing you from meeting the right man. The man that will that will treat you like the queen you are.
 

Rachiex

Member
Nilly - I just have to comment because I feel so bad for what you have been through and I think you are being really strong and brave on your own. I am sending you a hug from here in the UK!

I hope you are OK... we haven't heard from you in a long while...how are you feeling? Are you OK? How's noogling going?

Let us know.

Lots of love X
 

nilly19

Member
Helllooooooo you beautiful ladies!
I apologize profusely for disappearing (literally!) for a few months. I have been going through a lot and haven't even had time to noogle.
Good news: I've barely lost any growth at all, BUT I've also gained 10 pounds so who knows...(though I've been very active / working out walking around for the past few months and dont look fatter...I'm assuming some of its muscle and some of its fat because clothes would definitely start to feel tighter after 10 pounds right?) anyway! Rachiex, that1spaztichik, charity, eva_bs, chronus, aim4c, bonzaigirl, morninghello, katieb, mycupishalffull1, and anastasia of course all I can say is thankyou:) you guys are all amazing:)
rachiex I got your reply in my email and since I miss you guys so much (and lucy too of course) I thought I'd continue with my posts:)
in regards to the ex....he is out of my life for good. I left him very close to the time that I stopped posting here...(early June). Since then, I have been so much happier, healthier (other than the 10 pounds lol) and overall just a better person. I never thought I could do it to be honest..I was almost addicted to him.. (disordered people are very addictive according to the psychologist I used to see...yes keyword here is *used* to see :)
Anyway, I just wanted to do a quick post, and give a quick recap of my life in the past few months so you guys would know why I disappeared. Love you guys:) I'll be back in a few days, after my next set of midterms.
Lots of love
 

jnorton22002

New Member
hi dear nilly,

I'm very happy that you realize WHO YOU are. No one has any business telling you you need something in order to be involved with you. You are a lady and you need to be happy. I commend you for sticking up for your self. Hugs girl Mama J :-* :-* :-*
 

that1spaztichik

New Member
Good for you, girl! I am sooooo happy to hear that you are doing well! Keep doing what makes YOU happy! I commend you on deleting this boy for good, you will be so much happier in the long run, now and forever! Good luck with school, I know how challenging it can be. I don't care what anyone says...college is HARD!
 
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