you married this woman, and so you promised as did she to each other. So it is your DUTY to share with her all you have shared here.
What you must also give her, is the comfort of knowing that this will not change her place in your life, if that is your intention.
If her societal programming cannot cope with these things, then it would be best for both of you to go your separate ways so that pains and chains can be broken as soon as possible and healing can then begin.
For me, it's not so much a desire to be female, as it is to break all the programming that i grew up with. Boys at least in my era, and area, were taught to be monsters. Uncaring unthinking unloving, emotionless war machines. So I guess it's more rebellion than anything else, a way to force compassion on the beast. Doing the dressing thing does seem to help with some of those idea's, and ... has given me a whole new outlook on how women have to deal with their programming. If you compare how a tribal community grows and thrives, none of this stuff even applies, so that's all it is ... someone else's viewpoint crammed into your skull.
That aside, what it comes down to for us, is honest communication with our loved ones. Very important because as human's we fear the unknown, so don't let her go around fearing the unknown, at some point in a relaxed day, make dinner, give her a good glass of wine or two and have that conversation.