MissPrecious
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- Thread starter MissPrecious
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PetiteNShy
New Member
Re: "Relationship" Advice....? Really need it.... Please...
To be frank, I sincerely doubt that this guy will ever commit to a monogamous relationship with you. Family issues aside, if he really wanted to be in a relationship with you, he definitely would. His avoiding you and behavior with other women is simply more evidence of this. I apologize for being so blunt, but you seem to have this idea that he might change and it would be the best thing for you to let go of this.
I would avoid bringing up the girl mentioned on Twitter and calmly and maturely tell him that you he won't offer you what you need, so you are cutting off the relationship. You have said you are in love with him, so if you allow things to remain like this, you'll continue to feel strung along and disappointed. I know it's EXTREMELY difficult, but moving on definitely sounds like the best thing for you. Rely on your family and friends for a good support network. Best of luck to you, hope this helps.
To be frank, I sincerely doubt that this guy will ever commit to a monogamous relationship with you. Family issues aside, if he really wanted to be in a relationship with you, he definitely would. His avoiding you and behavior with other women is simply more evidence of this. I apologize for being so blunt, but you seem to have this idea that he might change and it would be the best thing for you to let go of this.
I would avoid bringing up the girl mentioned on Twitter and calmly and maturely tell him that you he won't offer you what you need, so you are cutting off the relationship. You have said you are in love with him, so if you allow things to remain like this, you'll continue to feel strung along and disappointed. I know it's EXTREMELY difficult, but moving on definitely sounds like the best thing for you. Rely on your family and friends for a good support network. Best of luck to you, hope this helps.
xxbabygirlxx
New Member
Re: "Relationship" Advice....? Really need it.... Please...
Honestly? From what you said it seems like this guy is taking advantage of you. Even if his family doesn't like you, if he truly cared he would have stood up to them, and declared his love for you. I mean three years is enough time. He knows you will always be there, and he is treating you like a door mat.
My suggestion would be to move on [i know easier said then done], and don't call him. If he realizes he wants you back, and you really want to be with this guy then lay down some strict ground rules. One, having status being in a relationship, and two meeting the family/or at least letting them know your dating, and three being in a committed relationship.
Obviously you love you, not being in an official relationship with this guy can't be something you want right? Do you think maybe you're afraid of telling him what you want? Or are you afraid of him leaving you if you do?
That is my opinion, sorry if it is blunt.
Honestly? From what you said it seems like this guy is taking advantage of you. Even if his family doesn't like you, if he truly cared he would have stood up to them, and declared his love for you. I mean three years is enough time. He knows you will always be there, and he is treating you like a door mat.
My suggestion would be to move on [i know easier said then done], and don't call him. If he realizes he wants you back, and you really want to be with this guy then lay down some strict ground rules. One, having status being in a relationship, and two meeting the family/or at least letting them know your dating, and three being in a committed relationship.
Obviously you love you, not being in an official relationship with this guy can't be something you want right? Do you think maybe you're afraid of telling him what you want? Or are you afraid of him leaving you if you do?
That is my opinion, sorry if it is blunt.
Re: "Relationship" Advice....? Really need it.... Please...
I agree with the other posters unfortunately... He is just using you as a door mat and taking advantage of you... :'( I do not want to sound mean, but he is just keeping you around as a convenience or security net so he doesn't feel alone if or when that time comes around. I think it's pretty much guaranteed he has been dating other women and probably calls you when he's been rejected. I had a love interest that did the EXACT same crap and it drove me mad. He was never committed to me and just kept me around as a plan B or fall back. You are better than this and deserve to be treated with respect! You deserve a man who will be there for you and put you first rather than on the back burner! To this day I cannot understand why this person did all of this. Maybe it is a fear of commitment or something?
You need to cut all ties with this person. I know that won't be easy, but in the long run you will be better off and can start dating people who will give you their everything. Don't ever get lured in again and go back to this person. He will just use you all over again.
I agree with the other posters unfortunately... He is just using you as a door mat and taking advantage of you... :'( I do not want to sound mean, but he is just keeping you around as a convenience or security net so he doesn't feel alone if or when that time comes around. I think it's pretty much guaranteed he has been dating other women and probably calls you when he's been rejected. I had a love interest that did the EXACT same crap and it drove me mad. He was never committed to me and just kept me around as a plan B or fall back. You are better than this and deserve to be treated with respect! You deserve a man who will be there for you and put you first rather than on the back burner! To this day I cannot understand why this person did all of this. Maybe it is a fear of commitment or something?
You need to cut all ties with this person. I know that won't be easy, but in the long run you will be better off and can start dating people who will give you their everything. Don't ever get lured in again and go back to this person. He will just use you all over again.
jnorton22002
New Member
Re: "Relationship" Advice....? Really need it.... Please...
Hi there hun,
I'm soooo very sorry you have to endure this kind of situation. Listen to what everyone has already said. there isn't any thing new I can say, except for, my heart is with you. Find some one new and enjoy your life. We all care about you and truly hope to hear how things go. You can always cry on our shoulders, that's what this family is all about sweetie
Hugs and lots of caring mama J :-* :-* :-* :-*
Hi there hun,
I'm soooo very sorry you have to endure this kind of situation. Listen to what everyone has already said. there isn't any thing new I can say, except for, my heart is with you. Find some one new and enjoy your life. We all care about you and truly hope to hear how things go. You can always cry on our shoulders, that's what this family is all about sweetie
Hugs and lots of caring mama J :-* :-* :-* :-*
Anatori
New Member
Re: "Relationship" Advice....? Really need it.... Please...
MAma J is right. Everyone here is right actually. It doesn't seem like he feels the same way about you as you do about him and if this continues its going to tear you apart. It will be hard but moving on truly is the best thing you can do right now to avoid being hurt any more. But no matter how hard it is, we're here for you. You can cry, vent, and complain to us and we'll listen. we'll help when needed and when wanted. We are a family here. You'll be ok. Hang in there.
MAma J is right. Everyone here is right actually. It doesn't seem like he feels the same way about you as you do about him and if this continues its going to tear you apart. It will be hard but moving on truly is the best thing you can do right now to avoid being hurt any more. But no matter how hard it is, we're here for you. You can cry, vent, and complain to us and we'll listen. we'll help when needed and when wanted. We are a family here. You'll be ok. Hang in there.
Strumpet
New Member
Re: "Relationship" Advice....? Really need it.... Please...
Unfortunately I agree with the people above. Some guys (well let's be fair, girls too) can just be jerks. I think sometimes we color another person's actions with the way we feel about them, but I think it's in your best interest to move on and find someone more deserving of your attentions.
I'm sorry you're in this situation, and I hope things get better for you.
Hugs!
Unfortunately I agree with the people above. Some guys (well let's be fair, girls too) can just be jerks. I think sometimes we color another person's actions with the way we feel about them, but I think it's in your best interest to move on and find someone more deserving of your attentions.
I'm sorry you're in this situation, and I hope things get better for you.
Hugs!
tatiana673
Member
Re: "Relationship" Advice....? Really need it.... Please...
Problem with all women are that... they run for advice about relationship with men to a woman. which is extremely wrong. it is the biggest no no you can do. no matter how much we fight for rights and say men and women are same... lets be frank. men and women are not same. we thing very differently. very differently. since we are here women, we will all thing similarly. hence you can see the similar pattern in all the answers. dont do this mistake, this may not be as it seems. talk to your guyfriends first. get some male advice why a man would do that.
but while we are at it, yes he might not be serious, but he also might do this for an act... to show his family (u said his cousin looked at it as well) that he is with someone they like. and there might be no beba in the first place. so here what i suggest you to do
1. get male advice
2. dont overreact when he calls. confront him and be honest. be calm and ask what is wrong. be frank, and dont forget to be calm. let him see the calm, good, understanding side of you.
Problem with all women are that... they run for advice about relationship with men to a woman. which is extremely wrong. it is the biggest no no you can do. no matter how much we fight for rights and say men and women are same... lets be frank. men and women are not same. we thing very differently. very differently. since we are here women, we will all thing similarly. hence you can see the similar pattern in all the answers. dont do this mistake, this may not be as it seems. talk to your guyfriends first. get some male advice why a man would do that.
but while we are at it, yes he might not be serious, but he also might do this for an act... to show his family (u said his cousin looked at it as well) that he is with someone they like. and there might be no beba in the first place. so here what i suggest you to do
1. get male advice
2. dont overreact when he calls. confront him and be honest. be calm and ask what is wrong. be frank, and dont forget to be calm. let him see the calm, good, understanding side of you.
Re: "Relationship" Advice....? Really need it.... Please...
I asked my husband for his advice and he said this guy is lying flat out. No man would give up on the woman he loves or try to keep it all a secret because of what his family thinks. Even if family was completely against the woman, a man would stand up and be with her any way. ((Think of all the movies that are based on this idea where one is hated by the other person's family. Also my thought is who is he trying to keep it a secret from? his family? Well then why hasn't he been showering her with love all of these years?))
If he really is that concerned with what his family thinks, then he is crazy any way (unless the original poster is in her teenage years) and you don't want to be with a guy like this.
Pretty much my husband said the guy is a wuss and not to even confront him. Just move on and do your own thing.
I asked my husband for his advice and he said this guy is lying flat out. No man would give up on the woman he loves or try to keep it all a secret because of what his family thinks. Even if family was completely against the woman, a man would stand up and be with her any way. ((Think of all the movies that are based on this idea where one is hated by the other person's family. Also my thought is who is he trying to keep it a secret from? his family? Well then why hasn't he been showering her with love all of these years?))
If he really is that concerned with what his family thinks, then he is crazy any way (unless the original poster is in her teenage years) and you don't want to be with a guy like this.
Pretty much my husband said the guy is a wuss and not to even confront him. Just move on and do your own thing.
tatiana673
Member
Re: "Relationship" Advice....? Really need it.... Please...
Good, my man is religious to some extent and he said that a man should not abandon his parents. he said that if family hate her and never will like her, ever and the guy knows it then he must be honest with the girl and leave her alone. his parents didnt like his previous gf, but they still knew about him dating her. he just never introduced one to the others. of course it never ended nicely anyway...
i like the idea of not even confronting him and just move on and do your own thing. act as u dont need him, can live without him and he happy. ignore his calls.
Lily13 said:
Good, my man is religious to some extent and he said that a man should not abandon his parents. he said that if family hate her and never will like her, ever and the guy knows it then he must be honest with the girl and leave her alone. his parents didnt like his previous gf, but they still knew about him dating her. he just never introduced one to the others. of course it never ended nicely anyway...
i like the idea of not even confronting him and just move on and do your own thing. act as u dont need him, can live without him and he happy. ignore his calls.
LAWMANN2004
New Member
Re: "Relationship" Advice....? Really need it.... Please...
HI !!
MOVE ON with your life!!!
Life only happens once, Try to get it right the first and only time.
If he won't accept you as family, you are being USED !!!!!!!!!!!!!
Just my $0.002 worth of advice on this subject.
Stay safe, and look forward to the boobie fairys visits.
She is on the way to see you, and spread good cheer !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Jamie2
HI !!
MOVE ON with your life!!!
Life only happens once, Try to get it right the first and only time.
If he won't accept you as family, you are being USED !!!!!!!!!!!!!
Just my $0.002 worth of advice on this subject.
Stay safe, and look forward to the boobie fairys visits.
She is on the way to see you, and spread good cheer !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Jamie2
Re: "Relationship" Advice....? Really need it.... Please...
haha My parents HATED my husband. They would not talk to him, look at him or even say hi for the first 2 years of our marriage. I just stopped talking to my family until they got the hint that this is what I wanted. Now we've been married for 7 years and all the tension and weirdness is gone. They actually communicate to one another. lol Sometimes it's more about the parents being scared to see their children grow up, than an actual problem with the man or woman. I was the first one to move out and get married, so it was tough on them.
tatiana673 said:
haha My parents HATED my husband. They would not talk to him, look at him or even say hi for the first 2 years of our marriage. I just stopped talking to my family until they got the hint that this is what I wanted. Now we've been married for 7 years and all the tension and weirdness is gone.
They actually communicate to one another. lol Sometimes it's more about the parents being scared to see their children grow up, than an actual problem with the man or woman. I was the first one to move out and get married, so it was tough on them.tatiana673
Member
Re: "Relationship" Advice....? Really need it.... Please...
haha i agree with that, my dad HATES my man, but he hates him even more cause he is from different religion ( i am christian and he is muslim ) but he hated to see any man next to me, he hated that so uch, but he always said that he will support any of my decision... but there is still extreme tension when i talk about him or if they would talk with each other.. and sometimes i feel like that tension will never be gone : P
Im glad that it worked out with you though!: D
Lily13 said:
haha i agree with that, my dad HATES my man, but he hates him even more cause he is from different religion ( i am christian and he is muslim ) but he hated to see any man next to me, he hated that so uch, but he always said that he will support any of my decision... but there is still extreme tension when i talk about him or if they would talk with each other.. and sometimes i feel like that tension will never be gone : P
Im glad that it worked out with you though!: D
jnorton22002
New Member
Re: "Relationship" Advice....? Really need it.... Please...
Hey Lilly, I agree with you. As a parent, I have a particular daughter, named Janon, who did so well with Irish dancing that she went to WORLDS 5 years in a row. Well, I never ever though Janon would grow up on me. You know, Ifeel parents always are closer to one of their children, not on purpose, but it happens. Janon, is that one with me. She did grow up though and moved out. Now she is 25 years old, and I hardly ever hear from her. Her husband, never talks to me. So I do feel and understand. You are right. We went around the US and world together, it hurts me just to think about it. On a good note though, I think she may actually, support me. Don't know for sure. Mama J :-* :-* :-* :-* :-*
Hey Lilly, I agree with you. As a parent, I have a particular daughter, named Janon, who did so well with Irish dancing that she went to WORLDS 5 years in a row. Well, I never ever though Janon would grow up on me. You know, Ifeel parents always are closer to one of their children, not on purpose, but it happens. Janon, is that one with me. She did grow up though and moved out. Now she is 25 years old, and I hardly ever hear from her. Her husband, never talks to me. So I do feel and understand. You are right. We went around the US and world together, it hurts me just to think about it. On a good note though, I think she may actually, support me. Don't know for sure. Mama J :-* :-* :-* :-* :-*
MissPrecious
New Member
Re: "Relationship" Advice....? Really need it.... Please...
Oh Goodness, I was just able to sit down and write about all your answers, and I thank you all very much, I pretty much feel like I've given more than enough and I should focus on myself or at least just try to. The advices you all have given me have made a difference, I've been able to think things through various ways and point of views. It is true, I guess a person who is scared or cares more about what others will think than being with a person regardless is simply showing he may not be as "interested" as I thought. But I'll see how I move on.
THANK YOU ALL!
Ps: Mama J I sure do wish the best for you and your daughter!
Oh Goodness, I was just able to sit down and write about all your answers, and I thank you all very much, I pretty much feel like I've given more than enough and I should focus on myself or at least just try to. The advices you all have given me have made a difference, I've been able to think things through various ways and point of views. It is true, I guess a person who is scared or cares more about what others will think than being with a person regardless is simply showing he may not be as "interested" as I thought. But I'll see how I move on.
THANK YOU ALL!
Ps: Mama J I sure do wish the best for you and your daughter!
jnorton22002
New Member
Re: "Relationship" Advice....? Really need it.... Please...
Hi Precious,
Now you've got it. There is an old saying and it goes like this "If you can't love yourself, who can. " You really do have to revisit yourself and know what YOU need to be happy. Make sure you understand that. Then every thing else WILL fall into place, including guys.
Hugs to you
Mama J :-* :-* :-* :-*
Hi Precious,
Now you've got it. There is an old saying and it goes like this "If you can't love yourself, who can. " You really do have to revisit yourself and know what YOU need to be happy. Make sure you understand that. Then every thing else WILL fall into place, including guys.
Hugs to you
Mama J :-* :-* :-* :-*
Re: "Relationship" Advice....? Really need it.... Please...
Hi Precious
I just want to add a bit of my experience because I agree with all the other replies that the best you can do is forget about this guy and focus on yourself. But maybe my story will be useful too.
Years ago, when I was very young and innocent, I had this boyfriend I was completely in love with and he too apparently but he broke it off because he was having lots of female attention at one moment and didn´t want to be restrained by being in a relationship. It was a very confusing situation for me because he said things were over between us but he kept visiting me at least once a week, talking to me on the phone, etc. Whenever we would see each other he would kiss me on the lips though we didn´t make out or whatever. So I had this idea that he was still very much into me but was afraid of the responsibility of a more serious relationship or some such theory. Being the good girl that I was - and very much in love still - I was very patient, terrified that he´d stop seeing me altogether. So though he was very kind and nice to me, he was actually treating me like a doormat!
This went on for months, it was very painful.
When I finally realised things weren´t going to change, I started to get out more, meet new people, taking more care of myself. At the same time, I wasn´t as eager with him as I used to be, I was polite but nothing else and many times I just wasn´t home when he came or called. So then he started freaking out and went into boyfriend-mode. But not completely, he didn´t make a commitment, he just behaved like he was my boyfriend again but without making it official. I was very happy in the beginning but afterwards it was just such a disappointment! I was still very hurt because of the way he had treated me and I think he didn´t really really care that much for me anyway, he wasn´t that convinced about being with me. So then I finally exploded and just stopped calling him altogether. That was extremely hard to do! I think it would´ve been better to end things at the beginning, and not to let him get close to me again. Because the second time my expectations were much higher somehow, and it hurt much more when we finally did split. So I guess what Im saying is, this guy will probably be more interested in you if you start doing your own thing, but that doesn´t mean that he´ll be good to you in the long run. So it´s better if you make up your mind that this is permanent and wait for someone who is truly interested in you.
Good luck and hugs, we´re all here for you if you need support!
Hi Precious
I just want to add a bit of my experience because I agree with all the other replies that the best you can do is forget about this guy and focus on yourself. But maybe my story will be useful too.
Years ago, when I was very young and innocent, I had this boyfriend I was completely in love with and he too apparently but he broke it off because he was having lots of female attention at one moment and didn´t want to be restrained by being in a relationship. It was a very confusing situation for me because he said things were over between us but he kept visiting me at least once a week, talking to me on the phone, etc. Whenever we would see each other he would kiss me on the lips though we didn´t make out or whatever. So I had this idea that he was still very much into me but was afraid of the responsibility of a more serious relationship or some such theory. Being the good girl that I was - and very much in love still - I was very patient, terrified that he´d stop seeing me altogether. So though he was very kind and nice to me, he was actually treating me like a doormat!
This went on for months, it was very painful.
When I finally realised things weren´t going to change, I started to get out more, meet new people, taking more care of myself. At the same time, I wasn´t as eager with him as I used to be, I was polite but nothing else and many times I just wasn´t home when he came or called. So then he started freaking out and went into boyfriend-mode. But not completely, he didn´t make a commitment, he just behaved like he was my boyfriend again but without making it official. I was very happy in the beginning but afterwards it was just such a disappointment! I was still very hurt because of the way he had treated me and I think he didn´t really really care that much for me anyway, he wasn´t that convinced about being with me. So then I finally exploded and just stopped calling him altogether. That was extremely hard to do! I think it would´ve been better to end things at the beginning, and not to let him get close to me again. Because the second time my expectations were much higher somehow, and it hurt much more when we finally did split. So I guess what Im saying is, this guy will probably be more interested in you if you start doing your own thing, but that doesn´t mean that he´ll be good to you in the long run. So it´s better if you make up your mind that this is permanent and wait for someone who is truly interested in you.
Good luck and hugs, we´re all here for you if you need support!
Anatori
New Member
Re: "Relationship" Advice....? Really need it.... Please...
MissPrecious do come back if you ever need to talk or need a friend. We are here for you and I have a sneaking suspicion that this may not be done and over with. I know that me being myself I would take a while to get over this person. You may be different and you may move on instantly. However, in the event that you still need to talk, vent, or anything, talk to us. We're here for you.
MissPrecious do come back if you ever need to talk or need a friend. We are here for you and I have a sneaking suspicion that this may not be done and over with. I know that me being myself I would take a while to get over this person. You may be different and you may move on instantly. However, in the event that you still need to talk, vent, or anything, talk to us. We're here for you.