Used to be a skeptic

[Anatori]

K so quick update just because i'm basically starting over. I used the PM cream and I took the pills yesterday and today. My breasts feel and look firmer already but that may just be my hopeful mind playing tricks on me (crosses fingers anyways). I took a fresh before pic to show my beginning. I pumped today for about an hour and a half and instead of using the marks on the domes to show when I needed to stop I just felt it. I waited until i felt it pull but not too much of a pull because that seems to be my pain tolerance letting me over do it the pics are of before i pumped and immediately after i pumped. There is still some swelling which is good. just gotta keep reminding myself baby steps...baby steps steph. you will get there one day. you will.

Also, small change in the routine as well for what i'm using. Since i'm using the PM cream in the mornings and at night, i decided to go with an oil for my breast while pumping. I bought a massage oil from Bath & Body works thats supposed to be stress relieving. Its Vanilla Verbena and I figured it would help me not only with making it easier to suction the cups to me but the scent would help me relax as well. Its been about half an hour now and the color around my breasts has faded and the rings are barely there too. So far I think the new routine is working.

 

[Lily13]

You are looking good and I see no signs of overpumping!! yay! The swelling you get is really really amazing for just starting out. I don't think you will have any issues hitting your goal as long as you stick with this.

 

[Anatori]

Thanks lily. The swelling doesnt stay around as long but its still there so i'm not losing hope. Thanks for your advice and everything about the over pumping. I have this thing where I'll just keep on truckin away until someone tells me "hey lady you're doing it wrong" and by then i've usually done something I can't take back so i'm glad you got to me in time.

 

[jnorton22002]

Hi there dear,

You are getting there. Just keep noogling and stay true to your program and it will happen for you


Hugs Mama J :-* :-* :-*

 

[SueB5]

Hi Anatori. You are doing really well. I am glad to see that the redness has now gone. I recently overpumped, just slightly, and became sore and had to stop for a while. It holds you back in the end! It really is a case of the tortoise and the hare situation. Look after yourself! Sue

 

[roadrashes]

You are doing great. Remember to drink alot of water and use massage with heat too. I'm glad the redness is gone. A few of us have done that and know.

 

[Anatori]

Thanks Roadrashes. I've been trying to drink more and more water...for some reason i have issues with just plain water, it makes me gag so its hard for me to drink it. i know that sounds strange. I did decide yesterday to do the Chi massage for 5 minutes before pumping and I think that helped. but I was so exhausted after cleaning that I fell asleep lol. I pumped until I felt the pull and then passed out. so i'm not sure yesterdays session was truly effective. My PM cream seems to be helping. randomly throughout the day my breasts get all tingly inside so thats kind of exciting.

Thank you all for your support and for seeing me though this. It feels great to have people backing you up. I appreciate it so much.

 

[Anatori]

K so its been a couple day s and i figured i'd post just a quick update. Still using the cream and taking the pills. I havent pumped today r yesterday. However, i still get that neat little tingle and i know its from the PM. That stuff is working. They aren't bigger really but my right breast(which while its a small difference is smaller than my left) has filled out enough that they are now even. They are fuller and seem to fill out my bras a teensy bit more than they used to. I've been eating more so I believe that is affecting it and drinking orange juice and milk a lot. limiting Caffeine has been hard. I used to say there's too much blood in my caffeine system lol. but its nice. I'm excited. I know i'll reach my goal soon and I will finally look the way i want to. I want to look just as attractive as the girls in the Maxims my bf reads. I Want to be beautiful inside and out. I want to like what I see in the mirror. I'll get there. maybe for my birthday this year i'll get breasts lol!

 

[Lily13]

I want to look just as attractive as the girls in the Maxims my bf reads.

This sentence really hit me hard and I wanted to just say a few things about it.

I'm probably not in the majority when I say this, but I absolutely despise magazines like that. They make me as an individual feel like crap because I will NEVER be one of those women in the magazines. It is not physically possible and I hate it that men have been ingrained that this is how a woman is supposed to look like. I don't expect anyone to feel the same way as I do because I have some serious emotional issues when it comes to this. Yep I've been to counseling for it and I am a recovering anorexic of 10 years. heh I nearly killed myself trying to look like those women. :'(

Anatori, I don't think it is healthy to compare yourself to these women. It is very hard not to though because that's what we have been told we must look like to be sexy and attractive and admittedly I cannot even follow my own advice. I get super jealous and insecure when I see my man looking at women like that, but thank God my husband isn't really into that stuff.

Any way, I feel for you girl and I hope you are happy with whatever gains you get! There is a lot more to us than just boobs and our bodies. You are a beautiful young woman regardless of your breast size. Do not forget that!!

 

[jnorton22002]

Hi, I hope you don't mind my 2 cents worth here. Lilly is right honey. there isn't any reason for you to MEASURE up to something that you aren't. You BF needs to accept you for the gorgeous person you look like and are. We must understand that too many times people are EXPECTED to BE something they aren't because society expects that? I don't think so. Love your self honey, then others. I will pray that you come to understand just the scope of what Lilly tried to tell you. I'm behind you all the way sweetie. You are certainly a very pretty and vibrant young lady. God Bless you my dear


Hugs and kisses Mama J :-* :-* :-* :-*

 

[Anatori]

Thanks you two. I hear that all the time. and i'm trying not to live and compare myself. but he has them in the bathroom and he used to have playboys. i told him i didnt want him looking at other women naked becaus eit feels like he might be comparing me to them. he never has and says he doesnt want them but then I walked in on him watching porn while i was in the other room. I wasnt enough for him . I was told by my friends that this is normal. Men watch porn even when they have women in their lives. but it felt like i wasnt enough for him. Thats honestly what started this whole obsession. I walked in on that and every ounce of self esteem i had built over the years just vanished. I researched, started taking herbs, easting food with the phyto estrogens, doing the massages, listening to hypnotists, doing excercises, listening to that ringtone for hours, creams everything. because i want to be the only woman he wants. But you're right..lookin glike them is impossible...and that thought is more depressing than everything. I want to just be happy with myself and he says i'm beautiful and sexy. That those girls are fake and he doesnt want them. but they are still there. He still looks at them. He still finds them attractive. Personality only gets you so far... I have a small waist great step one down. But i hate the rest of my body... I want to get to a point where I don't have to compare myself to them. where i will be happy with what i look like.... sorry breakin down here

 

[jnorton22002]

Hi again dear,

Oh my, I have heard this before and it really makes me sad all over. Honey, you ARE VERY PRETTY. I agree men do that BUT, it does indicate something that shouldn't be allowed. To say he says they are fake, well, if they were why is he looking at them? At some point you MUST decide if HE is enough for you. God created you to be who you are. You just can't spend your time in your young life stressing out about this. My God, you'll hurt yourself more and more. You, by your picture, are soooo pretty. Please, pick yourself and give this guy a choice. The choice is ME OR THE PORN. There are too many fish in the water who'd love to be your boyfriend. I know you certainly must love him, but you, honey, have one life to live, not multiple one's. If he doesn't understand beauty is from within, than he ISN"T good enough for YOU. I know I sound terrible, but I've had 5 children and 2 of them are girls. I've been down this road and it hurts me to see you suffer, and I know you are. Please, for you own self confidence, give him only one more chance. If he doesn't see the real beauty in you, than show him the door sweetie.

Sorry for the rant, but I can feel your pain and it really hurts Mama J saying you are really gorgeous Hugs my dear :-*
:-* :-* :-*

 

[Anatori]

THanks Mama and I did tell him no more or i'm gone. He hasnt watched it again and we're earning back the trust slowly. the self esteem and self worth...thats different. i'll be ok i promise. i'm growing with this. and i mean as a person not just the nb stuff.

 

[Lily13]

I'm going to PM you dear. My heart is breaking over here and my response I'd rather keep private.

Thanks you two. I hear that all the time. and i'm trying not to live and compare myself. but he has them in the bathroom and he used to have playboys. i told him i didnt want him looking at other women naked becaus eit feels like he might be comparing me to them. he never has and says he doesnt want them but then I walked in on him watching porn while i was in the other room. I wasnt enough for him . I was told by my friends that this is normal. Men watch porn even when they have women in their lives. but it felt like i wasnt enough for him. Thats honestly what started this whole obsession. I walked in on that and every ounce of self esteem i had built over the years just vanished. I researched, started taking herbs, easting food with the phyto estrogens, doing the massages, listening to hypnotists, doing excercises, listening to that ringtone for hours, creams everything. because i want to be the only woman he wants. But you're right..lookin glike them is impossible...and that thought is more depressing than everything. I want to just be happy with myself and he says i'm beautiful and sexy. That those girls are fake and he doesnt want them. but they are still there. He still looks at them. He still finds them attractive. Personality only gets you so far... I have a small waist great step one down. But i hate the rest of my body... I want to get to a point where I don't have to compare myself to them. where i will be happy with what i look like.... sorry breakin down here

 

[jnorton22002]

Hi Again,

I really have tremendous respect for Lilly, and I'm quite sure she will have something of value 10 times mine. I'm very pleased you told him. I think you are on the right path. Remember, though, relationships are both ways. You, also need to insure you are doing your part. My father once told me something I will always remember, and I want to share it with you. In marriage ,or relationships, give 90% of your self to your spouse, and receive 10%. In this manner, you both get 100% all the time. If one isn't doing that, the relationship will fail. I'm very proud of you, and I feel you will do fine. Just remember, no more picture viewing for him

Hugs my dear Mama J :-* :-* :-* :-* :-*

 

[Anatori]

Thank you mama. We both do take care of each other. Other than the one mishap there hasn't even been hints of any other issues. My imagination sometimes gets the better of me but he is doing whatever he can think of to make sure We get through it together and its no longer a concern. I still want to be everything he wants physically as well as emotionally though. I take care of him. Massages after work, surprises to brighten his day, random text messages to give him even a two second break and a small bit of happiness in his day. And after i opened up with him about this he was concerned but he supports me. He said he doesn't want me to get to big because I might not like it and he might not like it. But he knows why i'm doing it and he knows it really is mainly for me. But if he gets to benefit from it too then hey why not. Maybe he's not sitting next to me while i'm noogling, maybe he's not actively asking me how my session went today, but hes not down talking it and he's not trashing my efforts. He's supportive in his own way and I couldn't and wouldn't want anyone better.

Also Mama J i just found your page where you're pics were posted. I've been trying to keep up with everyone and I gotta say i'm thoroughly impressed. For a couple reasons. Reason number one, I have been around very few women like you. In fact I can only name one and that was my friend Justine. She was the most amazing woman i knew but sadly she was shot before she could become a full woman. Physically anyways. I loved her like a sister and was amazed at how brave she was. I guess its because I'm not around this sort of thing all the time that I get so wrapped up in it but you are an inspiration. Not only are you showing us that we can achieve our goals but you are showing us it can be done naturally. Thats just the Noogleberry part of it. As a person, you're posts show me that you do care about everyone and how we are doing. And your journey and the things you have told everyone tells that you need to be the best you that you can be. Regardless. To love yourself. you just said that to me and i'm working on it. easier said than done unfortunately. But I guess what i'm saying in this senseless, all over the place post is that you really have inspired me to better myself as a person and not just concentrate on this.

Thank you Mama J.

 

[jnorton22002]

Hi there sweetie,

You are very welcome. It makes me feel very warm and fuzzy that the two of you are going to do well. I'm very impressed with what you do to make his day brighter.

You are an inspiration to me. Don't cut yourself down in any way. You are a tough young lady.

I want to thank you for such nice comments. Yes I need to be Joni, which is what will be my female name, so badly I can taste it. It will happen soon. My biggest needs though are to help others to realize their dreams. Mine will come and I truly feel blessed to be part of this forum. On a selfish note, I just want to be as pretty and as complete a woman I can be

Hugs to you sweetie.

Mama J :-* :-* :-* :-* :-*

 

[roadrashes]

Hi honey. You can share anything here. Listen, I am 40 yrs old and my husband has destroyed my self esteem and I am slowly getting it back for me. Give the ultamatium and stick with it. truth is as many men who watch porn there are just as many who don't. Also, there are men who can watchit and not make women feel like crap about themselves.I've vented on my picture thread so you are not alone. You are beautiful and if this doesn't work out there would be a number of different guys dying to be with you. It's hard not to compare yourself and be sensitive. Everywhere yo look it's all about the boobs. But to sustain a worthwhile relationship and raise children it takes more than sex. If sex made a realtionship then most porn stars wouldn't kill themselves or divorce. Hence even Jenna Jameson. I'm glad you both discussed and came to an agrement. NOw we need to repair the mental images and hurt you feel. Remind yourself when you feel inferior that you are beautiful on the inside and out. Your cup size doesn't make your personality.
I went from a long haired brunetter to blonde/platnium blonde. My wiast is now a 24 and I am considered very attractive. Guess what hubby would like my lips to be plumper now. I am starting to look like a girl from a porn mag.I miss me. Why becuase I let him do it but I allowed it to happen. You don't have to continue this way and I'm glad you shared it with all of us.
Hugs to you.

 

[Anatori]

Thanks Roadrashes. I try and stay positive. I get into depressive cylces but I always pull though. And having made new friends on the forum here has really helped me. Its nice to open up. Having a support group that A) you don't have to pay for the help. Its just one friend to another, a small family if you will. and B)You really can open up and post about the noogling or anything else. I've read posts of people venting just because they needed to. I'm really glad I found this place. I've never seen so may people so willing to listen and help one another for free. Its inspiring

 

[Anatori]

Also Roadrashes, I had a little time today and read through your thread all the way, I have to say I admire your patience.Honestly, don't get me wrong i'm head over heels in love with the man i'm with now but if i found out he was going to strip clubs and if he were talking to me the way your hubby talked to you, i would have hit the road. I'd still have don ethe NB thing and maybe ran into him later once I had made progress and basically just told him " you could have had this. but now you don't get to." I'm spiteful like that though with people that hurt me. I won't put up with that. I am a firm believer in the fact that if i'm not the only woman you want to see naked then you don't get to see me naked at all. And that's my my bf threw his Playboys away because he understood that. He didnt want me looking at other men naked, and watching them strip, and watching porn myself. So he got it and stopped. I truly hope that your husband sees how wonderful of a person you are an how beautiful you are inside and out. Both for his sake and for yours. There are many women out there with huge, perky, but fake breasts that are dumb and stuck up and just all around shallow people. Yet these are the women men look at. I hope he learns to appreciate what you do for him because if he ends up losing you, he'll be sorry. You're a catch as far as as can see. I hope he sees that before he pushes you too far.