Used to be a skeptic

[roadrashes]

Thank you Anatori. All of what you say is very true. I sometimes laugh at myself for having gone so far for so long like this. However, everyday I grow a little more confident and assertive. Slow and steady wins the race in life and apparently boobs too.

 

[jnorton22002]

Hey Anatori and roadrashes,

I personally want to commend both of you. You know life sucks sometimes and you don't need anything other than your own self esteem, brains, and common sense. I admire you a lot Anatori for the way you stepped up to the plate and swung the bat. I hope and pray that he stays strait and true now to his promise.

Roadrashes, you are really, really an inspiration to me. I really admire your determination to return the YOU in your life. It is bad enough that mom's of the world do most things at home, let alone try and deal with someone who never seems to see your inner beauty. In many ways I understand fully your feelings because I know there are many out there who don't feel like talking to me, seeing me, or supporting me in my quest. Although not the same as you two, in other ways it is the same. I WILL continue, just as the both of you MUST continue. Life is just a bicycle ride that has an end. so we really need to enjoy our ride.

I'm in total admiration of both of you. Way to go.


Hugs and lots of love Mama J :-* :-* :-* :-* :-*

 

[Anatori]

Don't admire me Joni. Cuz here I am again after stumbling around on the internet looking at those pics again. Stumbling on the sites full of girls that men dont necessarily want to date but sure lust after....I'm huitting that cycle again where I feel like even if i do this it won't be enough. he still wont see me to be as beautiful as these girls. I'm not as perfectly chaped. They wonlt be as round and perky and perfect. He'll still lust for them while i'm slaving away working on not only how i look but also taking care of him any way i can Why is it so hard for me to accept that i'm not perfect? I want to be perfect so badly for him. For me too so that i can be more confident but he's a factor. I want to replace those images in his mind...but i can't...Have you seen those girls? they're everything a man wants physically! He says he doesnt like them cuz they're fake...i call bull shit. sorry but i know he does. maybe not long term but in the moment...yeah he wants them. I'm worried I can never be that for him...I guess its too much to ask to even consider that a possibility. Thats just how they are... right? :'( :'(

 

[jnorton22002]

hey there Anatori,

Honey, NO ON IS PERFECT. I'm not and nobody else is. Why you lust for perfection? Only you know. I know this though. I see a young lady in the picture who is pretty, witty and available to someone that cares. If it is your BF than great. You really must stop trying to be other than Anatori. If said it before, but I will say it again. What I see is a very pretty young lady. Maybe you think having a different body shape will cause him to go ape over you. That is wrong and it will never happen. It still breaks down to YOU accepting WHO YOU ARE. You truly have beauty already. Now all you must do is believe it yourself. I worry that all is not ok and somehow you feel he hasn't stopped. Maybe it is time for a break for the two of you. You say you love him, but then why do you condemn yourself? It is THE GHOST of other people you feel you need to be to be pretty to him and yourself. That is the reason you maybe need a break. Think about that sugar plum and think hard. Your self esteem is more important than any BF around. Give it a lot of thinking and be honest with yourself. If you come up with I NEED TO BE ME, than maybe you need to split for a time or call it quits. Give yourself a break and try that. Keep us posted dear Anatori. I care about you sweetie.

Mama J :-* :-* :-* :-* :-* :-*

 

[Louise]

Hi Anatori,

Mama J is right you are beautiful, and I agree with everything said, take Me at 68 I'm no oil painting, but like you must do, I love Me and am proud of what I am, I am trying to make My boobs better but it is for Me no one else just Me you need to be the same and do what is right for YOU.

 

[tatiana673]

Thanks you two. I hear that all the time. and i'm trying not to live and compare myself. but he has them in the bathroom and he used to have playboys. i told him i didnt want him looking at other women naked becaus eit feels like he might be comparing me to them. he never has and says he doesnt want them but then I walked in on him watching porn while i was in the other room. I wasnt enough for him . I was told by my friends that this is normal. Men watch porn even when they have women in their lives. but it felt like i wasnt enough for him. Thats honestly what started this whole obsession. I walked in on that and every ounce of self esteem i had built over the years just vanished. I researched, started taking herbs, easting food with the phyto estrogens, doing the massages, listening to hypnotists, doing excercises, listening to that ringtone for hours, creams everything. because i want to be the only woman he wants. But you're right..lookin glike them is impossible...and that thought is more depressing than everything. I want to just be happy with myself and he says i'm beautiful and sexy. That those girls are fake and he doesnt want them. but they are still there. He still looks at them. He still finds them attractive. Personality only gets you so far... I have a small waist great step one down. But i hate the rest of my body... I want to get to a point where I don't have to compare myself to them. where i will be happy with what i look like.... sorry breakin down here

Anatori, honestly, he does love your body. the reason men looks at porn is not because they like those girls. they like to see the action of porn in action. they like to see a girl getting f**ked. no matter if a girl is no breasted, big breasted, fatter, thinner... it does not matter. it is not technically the girls body they look at, they look at women getting fucked. thats why most men watch porn and prefer it over pictures or something else even though women on pictures are hotter. it is not ebcause he thinks that your body is not hot. it is just that he likes, like all men, seeing a woman getting dominated over (or some men like to see women as the dominator... its the preference of each man) sounds like perverts.. but all men are dont worry, you are beautiful and even if u will get all fake and will get fake ass fabe boobs etc etc etc, and will look like them, he will still be watching porn because he does not watch porn for their body. although i am sure that your mate loves your body just the way it is and finds it much sexier than pornstars

 

[Lily13]

I don't fully agree with you Tatiana. I see where you are coming from, but not all men are into porn. When you become a couple or get married, there needs to be some compromising and limits set. This is something every individual couple will need to agree upon. There are many couples who do not allow porn at all and it is not issue. Then there are some couples who are completely ok with their husbands/wives looking at porn. As long as both parties are happy with that decision, then no harm is done. If Anatori is that upset by her BF watching porn, then something has to change. She shouldn't be made to just deal with it. That's pretty cruel and it is just forcing one person's values onto another. If her BF does not want to stop watching porn, then she will have to decide whether or not she can be with someone like that.

It sounds like you are completely ok with a bf watching porn and that is something you can share with your bf. Not all of us have the same views or values and that's what makes us unique. I don't think you should just go along with it because that's what is "normal" these days. It's ok to not want your bf/hubby to watch that.

I agree that if he is into porn/adult mags, he will look no matter what weight, boob size or body type she has. That is definitely true.

 

[tatiana673]

yeah well, only because men say they dont watch porn doesnt mean they dont.... very very very many men watch porn, u will be surprised. and they wives never knew and probably never will know

and no i am not okay with my bf watching porn. i am not at all. and he knows that. but deep inside i know that if he does watches it then it is not my fault.

 

[Lily13]

Tread lightly Tatiana. I think you need to be a little more compassionate here. Anatori is having a hard time and these words you just said are pretty heartbreaking. So we should not trust our guys? Just let them do whatever they want even if we don't like it? I'm sorry that you feel this way, but it is not true and is a terrible way to live. Trust is one of the most important aspects of a relationship. Sure some guys might be like this, but I wouldn't be with them!

yeah well, only because men say they dont watch porn doesnt mean they dont.... very very very many men watch porn, u will be surprised. and they wives never knew and probably never will know

and no i am not okay with my bf watching porn. i am not at all. and he knows that. but deep inside i know that if he does watches it then it is not my fault.

 

[Anatori]

Tatiana I have been with men who don't watch porn, men who did and lied to me about it and then my current bf. Some peopl are ok with it. And hey thats them. We are all different. I am glad you would know its not your fault and slowly i'm coming to terms that i did nothing to push him to porn. However, I'm still not ok with him watching it and if he truly loves and respects me he wont. The magazines are different. Yes they make me self concious but Lily helped me by putting it into perspective that girls look at guys too and just move on. Guys can do that too. I'm still worried that he wants them and finds them more attractive than me. I want to be the most attractive person to him. I can't expect it but i still want it. Its hard trusting him not to do it again after the trust was broken once, but he hasn't looked at it. Yes i'm sure every man above the age of 13 had watched porn. I'm not against watching porn. I'm against my bf, watching porn when he has me. Nothing will change that view. I'm not one of those people that can just shrug it off like its no big deal because it is a big deal to me. The fact that men lie to their wives about watching porn is wrong. If their wife was ok with it fine, but to do it behind their back, you may as well be cheating. According to some people, a man getting an anonymous blow job is not cheating on his wife as long as he can take emotions out of it. I don't agree with this. I appreciate you trying to help me view this differently but this is one topic i feel very strongly on. If he watches porn again, i'm out. I will not be with a man who cannot respect my comfort zone and my wishes. regardless of how much i love him and how much he loves me. In my eyes, its betrayal.

 

[tatiana673]

I am so sorry, but you misunderstood me. I am not okay with my boyfriend watchign porn and trust me if i caught him doing that, i would give him hell but what i mean is that i wont blame myself that i am not attractive enough etc, as in i know that guys watch porn for the ACTION not the women. in magazines they watch women... not action, which is worse in my opinion as in, in magazines they always look better as well (lots of photoshop which people dont use in porn really). so yeah, i would be very very very upset. but i know that i am most attractive woman for him and that if he did watch porn he did it for action. and i saw this statistic other day (haha i am a freak of statistics, i always check them for everything) about men watching porn and the percentage was huuuge. it was over ninety a bit and most men also mentioned that they do it in secret from wife, have told their wife they dont watch it or anything like that, but they do it because they have needs and a simple view of action satisfies them. not the women themselves... i would be much more self conscious about my body if i caught my bf watching a magazine because they truly have like perfect bodies haha... but i would give him hell either way porn or magazines, i wouldnt tolerate it. all i was trying to say is that you shouldnt feel bad about ur body if ur bf watched porn. yes, u should be upset, but not feel bad about your body. i am sure as hell that you are the most attractive for him and he watched it for action, the process of a woman getting literally fu**ed

 

[jnorton22002]

Anatori,

Hi young lady. Let me say this to this thread that really is moving on. First, I'm very aware there are those on this site that may not approve of what I am doing. That is my choice, and my choice only. It doesn't change the fact that I have 5 children all of which are grown. Of those five children two are daughters. It is my feeling that honesty, friendship, and all need for each other allows for no room to watch porn of any kind, EVER. It indicates a lack of respect period. I admire your position, but also understand others here who have commented. I am not saying they don't make sense, because they do. They STILL miss the point. Relationships are built on trust love and respect and friendship of the utmost. Any break in that is a lost trust. Most times, never to be regained. I, as a male, NEVER bought porn mags or videos. EVER. There are those men out there that DON'T NEED that. Keep your mind right where it is honey. You really have you head screwed on to your shoulders. I'm behind you 100%. Don't ever accept less than complete honesty and faithfulness from any one. Period

Hugs my dear Mama J :-* :-* :-* :-*

 

[rayneskye0109]

Anatori, I completely understand where you are coming from. I have always been self conscious about my looks. I have recenltly found my fiance looking at other girls pictures on FB. And yes they are all super hot, big boobs..etc.etc.etc. Needless to say, this did nothing for my self esteem. However, he does not know that I know. I tried to bring it up to him before, and he get's pissy about me checking up on him and all. I haven't said anything since then. But, everyone "looks", that is not the issue. Just don't lie to me about it. Yes, I hate the fact that he checks those kinds of girls out on a daily basis. But what can I do. We have a daughter together and have been together for over two years. He treats me well otherwise and our relationship hasn't changed. But it still bothers me. This is a lot of the reason I have decided to try NBE. Not for him, but for me. (Well, some for him, I am tired of feeling self conscious of my looks, so I have decided to do something about it. My chest size has always been an issue for me, so that was step number one. Step number 2 is getting my body back in shape after I have had 2 kids. Needless to say, once I started all this, he became suspicious that I was going to leave him. LOL. I am not; I am just tired of feeling this way. He has never had anything negative to say about my looks either btw. But, like I said, I know exactly where you are coming from. I have had the exact same thoughts as you. But we are all beautiful in our own way. Don't let him get you down. From your profile pic, you are a very beautiful woman. Just don't lost sight of that. You just have to do what makes you happy. That is first and foremost. Kind of difficult to make someone else happy if you are unhappy.

 

[Lily13]

@rayneskye0109
I think looking at girls on FB is way worse than magazines or porn. Those ARE real girls and he could be messaging them. That is not cool at all and it really seems like he is still dating and looking around. Why would you look at another girl's photo albums like that? Very strange indeed. I think you need to bring this up regardless of how upsetting it is. You don't want to be with someone who is still dating on FB!

I am very sorry to hear so many go through this crap. How sad...

 

[rayneskye0109]

@Lily13:
Oh, I couldn't agree with you more. When I first met him he told me that he never looked at porn or anything like that. He never had any magazines, movies, or anything. So, I believed him. Up until like 6-7 months ago. He had left his email account open, so I decided to be nosy. Well, I caught him having cyber-sex with a much older woman. Oh, you can bet I flipped my lid over that one!!!
We got into a huge arguement, he said he was sorry, it was a mistake, yadda, yadda, yadda....he would never do it again....Anyway, he lost a lot of my trust with that. But nothing else happened that I knew of until recently. Then he started playing farmville. He accepted friend requests from some pretty hot girls in like Australia or something. I checked their profile and they indeed played farmville, so I didn't say anything. Until he posted 'smoking hot" on one of their pics. That got under my skin, since his compliments to me had become pretty much non-existant. He deletes all of his sent/received messages on FB, and most of the ones through his email. The only reason I know now that he still looks at NUMEROUS girls' profiles is because I keep my history bar open. He doesn't know that. I have seen him send some messages to these girls...don't get to see what the messages contain since he deletes them, but still. It's funny though. He will "friend" these girls, check out their pics and then delete them from his friends???? IDK. But yeah, I think something is fishy with it too and if he was truly happy what would be the need for this? And being sneaky about it makes it so much worse! I am just biding my time for the moment. Wasn't going to say anything unless I found out something more was going on. Just tired of being hurt. Went through this with my ex-husband...only he was seeing co-workers! But, the thing that really gets me, I thought if your partner was cheating then your sex-life normally goes downhill, they get more distant, and you feel like there is always "something" missing, like there is a huge hole that shouldn't be there. Have ALWAYS had this happen when I have been cheated on. But like I said, nothing has changed. Our love-life has actually improved if you can believe it, so I don't know what to think. I would be more worried if that wasn't so. IDK. And yes it is sad that so many people go through this. And, no I don't want to be with someone like that. I spent 10 years of my life miserable. WILL NOT go through that again! But just trying to wait this out a little longer to see if there really is something that I should have been worried about or if it was just my insecurities coming into play...Sorry ladies for venting.

 

[Lily13]

Oh that is just horrible! Cyber sex? Sending messages to strangers on FB? wow! You have put up with more than I could even imagine. If I were doing any of those things my husband would have every right to yell at me, hell even ask for a divorce! This is not an issue with your "insecurities" . What he is doing is not cool especially since you are engaged? You said fiance right? Your guy is still dating for sure or at least looking around...

I used to play Farmville but quit about 2 years ago now. I purposely did not accept friend requests from guys. I didn't want there to be any sort of issue there. I was not looking around and just wanted to play the game! haha And it is also important to remember that after you neighbor people in Farmville you can delete them as FB friends too. You don't have to keep them around, so if you confront him about this, don't let him use "needing neighbors" as an excuse.

Good luck girl! If you ever need to vent, feel free to PM me.

 

[Anatori]

honey you're fine. Venting is not a problem here. I'm so sorry he's doing that. I was told once that men perform better when they have sex more often. And they end up wanting to more often as well. I was told this by someone who was trying to convince me to let my bf watch porn. In one of the Maxims he reads there is even an article that goes into this sort of stuff. Honestly, if i caught him having cyber sex once and even still friending these women and being secretive, i would leave. I would confront him, tell him why he has lost your trust to begin with, or remind him at least, and tell him why this behavior is unacceptable. But thats just my opinion. When he said "i'm sorry, it was a mistake" ok fine. that might warrant a second chance. my bf said that. He promised it wouldnt happen again, he has no need for it. We even talked last night and he told me I was the most beautiful woman he knows and the only one for him and he doesnt need any other form of release. It didnt remove my paranoia completely but it helped. If your man promises it won't happen again ok, work on rebuilding the trust...but the sneaking, the secrets, no. That needs to stop. I wouldnt let that fly here. If my bf was being secretive like that, i'd bring it up to him that i had noticed and that i want to know whats going on. If he's doing nothing wrong he has nothing to hide. I'm so sorry this is happening to you. I've been cheated on before. Unfortunately to that note, i've also cheated before. And while I can't fully explain why i did it, i did have enough respect to my partner to tell him the next day that it happened and it tore me up inside. I only did it once and it is the one moment of my past that i would change. Thats one of the reasons i'm trying so hard to get through this though is because I feel that seeing him do that was sort of a punishment in a way. not him punishing me but Karma coming back on me. I hope your man shapes up.

Also feel free to PM me as well if you want. sometimes we need to vent to people who understand. Never apologize for expressing your feelings and concerns. they are concerns for a reason

 

[rayneskye0109]

Thanks Anatori and Lily13 for listening and for the comments. Just had to let it all out. Don't talk to many females anymore. Been stabbed in the back by the few friends I thought I had. Plus is it always easier to get an "outsider's" point of view you know? But, I agree the lying and sneaking has to stop. What is the sense in being in a relationship if you have to lie and sneak?! I drop hints every now and then about him having half-naked friends on his profile. He conveniently avoids the subject. Always says he never talks to them....Yeah right. Thought about paying him back though...I have seen the links that he visits where he is getting all of the pics from. Thought about visiting them myself and "friending" a few of the guys on there. LOL. THAT should get his attention since he really doesn't care for me talking to the male friends I have. Give him a taste of his own medicine. However, he even goes to the trouble of hiding posts from these girls. But, I wouldn't be. IDK. Highly considered it; don't know if it would do more harm than good. And yes, he is my fiance. And Anatori, that was how it was to begin with. He said he was sorry, I believed him and was working on rebuilding that trust. And then this had to happen. I am one of those people who prefer not to remain ignorant. If there is something that I need to know, tell me straight up. Don't keep me in the dark only to spring it on me at the most inopportune moment. It's the lying that is bothering me the most. Wish he could see that. I am just getting mixed signals. Here he is doing this, but he still treats me the same, still says sweet things, started complimenting me again, tells me how lucky he is to have me, how much he wants to marry me...etc, etc, etc. I love him immensely, but I hate being lied too. And if I mention this to him, he is going to want to know how I found all this out. Well, he will then start clearing the history and then I will have no way of knowing what he is doing and no way to prepare myself in case something does happen. This is why I have not said anything. And it shouldn't have to be this way.
Thanks again...

 

[Lily13]

Hey I don't have really any female friends either. I got married young (19) and my friends were all still getting drunk and messing around with people. It was hard to have any serious conversations with them, so we drifted apart. I tried getting in contact with a few of them recently and I realize we now have nothing in common. lol Oh well it happens!

And if I mention this to him, he is going to want to know how I found all this out. Well, he will then start clearing the history and then I will have no way of knowing what he is doing and no way to prepare myself in case something does happen. This is why I have not said anything. And it shouldn't have to be this way.
Thanks again...

Yep I definitely see where you are coming from here. I don't know what to tell you, but the fact you already dont trust him enough and are checking his history tells me it is time to consider moving on. No one should have to be in a relationship like that. It also appears he has been trying to cover his tracks by deleting incoming and outgoing messages, but didn't think to check history...Hmm!

I have never ever checked my husband's history, email, phone or anything like that. I don't need to because I trust him. None of this will get any easier once you are married. Marriage (while it is quite rewarding and I love it) can be tough at times and if you are already questioning his motives/actions, it can only get worse.

I think him commenting on some girls pictures is too actively looking. Why did he feel the need to do that unless he wanted to get a response from that girl. Getting even by adding guys to your FB list might feel good, but I think you should take the high road here! He could use this against you even though he's done the same thing...Keep your nose clean as they say!

Good luck dear. Sorry Anatori for all the off-topic posts on your booby thread. :-*

Anatori,
On topic, How is noogling going!

 

[tatiana673]

@Lily13:
Oh, I couldn't agree with you more. When I first met him he told me that he never looked at porn or anything like that. He never had any magazines, movies, or anything. So, I believed him. Up until like 6-7 months ago. He had left his email account open, so I decided to be nosy. Well, I caught him having cyber-sex with a much older woman. Oh, you can bet I flipped my lid over that one!!! >: (
We got into a huge arguement, he said he was sorry, it was a mistake, yadda, yadda, yadda....he would never do it again....Anyway, he lost a lot of my trust with that. But nothing else happened that I knew of until recently. Then he started playing farmville. He accepted friend requests from some pretty hot girls in like Australia or something. I checked their profile and they indeed played farmville, so I didn't say anything. Until he posted 'smoking hot" on one of their pics. That got under my skin, since his compliments to me had become pretty much non-existant. He deletes all of his sent/received messages on FB, and most of the ones through his email. The only reason I know now that he still looks at NUMEROUS girls' profiles is because I keep my history bar open. He doesn't know that. I have seen him send some messages to these girls...don't get to see what the messages contain since he deletes them, but still. It's funny though. He will "friend" these girls, check out their pics and then delete them from his friends?? ?? IDK. But yeah, I think something is fishy with it too and if he was truly happy what would be the need for this? And being sneaky about it makes it so much worse! I am just biding my time for the moment. Wasn't going to say anything unless I found out something more was going on. Just tired of being hurt. Went through this with my ex-husband...only he was seeing co-workers! But, the thing that really gets me, I thought if your partner was cheating then your sex-life normally goes downhill, they get more distant, and you feel like there is always "something" missing, like there is a huge hole that shouldn't be there. Have ALWAYS had this happen when I have been cheated on. But like I said, nothing has changed. Our love-life has actually improved if you can believe it, so I don't know what to think. I would be more worried if that wasn't so. IDK. And yes it is sad that so many people go through this. And, no I don't want to be with someone like that. I spent 10 years of my life miserable. WILL NOT go through that again! But just trying to wait this out a little longer to see if there really is something that I should have been worried about or if it was just my insecurities coming into play...Sorry ladies for venting.

wow rayneskye, and you can still be with him? it would have been killing me softly inside which would eventually(pretty quickly actually) on a rage and then break up... how can you put up with this? I feel your pain! I dont know how can you put up with this, you are like hero of emotions. I wish you good luck though and hopefully you will solve everything and find a guy who truly deserves

p.s guys who say that they have NEVER!!! watched porn or magazines etc are big fat liars...

I got married also young, one week before I turned 20 and I had dated that guy like ever since I was 17. (I am still 20 haha) but I also dont have any female friends as everyone in my age like to party etc, get drunk, be everywhere and I never was a "get-drunk-and-party" type, I have a couple of "friends" who just talk to me when they need to vent something as I am a good listener... I am like used in that sense But I totally understand being stabbed in the back by friends, I have had the same problem in the past and I hung out mostly with guy friends but I dont need anyone to be honest to be happy. I am happy on my own. I have troubles trusting people and such and often I myself push people away, I dont want to get hurt But I am happy now, I do have a couple of friends that I meed up and hang, have fun. I have my bf/husband whom i love a lot. I dont know what will future bring us, but I am happy with having only a couple of friends and I wouldnt want more. I wish you luck though rayneskye!! So much luck, you will find eventually a guy you deserve!: )

Yes, Anatori, how is noogling going?: ) Any good noticeable results?