Padded Hell's Program

[dminer84]

Indeed, I am truly happy I do have any nipples at all and the herbs may be having an effect. I might have spoken too soon but some odd things are happening to them (aches, itches, tingles, etc). I don't know if it is visible in my latest update pic but they *appear* bigger to me and my fingers say "by quite a bit too". Actually, the herbs are just having a good time reshaping me I think. We'll see what happens if I can manage to lose 30-35 lbs without killing growth (exercise in men and estrogen-like compounds usually don't mix). See my week 005 stats and abouts update if you care for more details.

I'm still hoping to hear great news from you and Minnie too. I think you're right about shape/filling comes first as I feel those have been signs for my growth too -- and then a sudden odd squishy+jello with empty feeling. I wish I could explain it better but I have only just identified it.

I know each (all of two now ) major change has had that moment of "where the hell did all that flesh go" moment and then like a week later -- all sorts of craziness happens. I so want you to experience that joyous roller coaster...

DJ

 

[minnie34]

Hi PH,

funny that you are so into hemp - I made a hummus with hemp just the other day. Turned out real nice too, happy to post the recipe if you fancy?
Not much happening here in the boobie department. I bought a bottle of Safflower oil from Amazon last week, probably about the only thing I haven't tried yet, but as it is being talked about so much, I simply have to give it a go!! I will watch out for those nasty pimples though dmniner, promise!!

So, AF should come around the middle of the month, but since the weekend boobs have been quite sore/tender. Now if that doesn't get my hopes up..... I know, I shouldn't. But it is so easy!! Haven't made any more kefir since, and the sourdough didn't work out - the next morning it was hard as rock so didn't ferment properly. I blame the kefir. I used to have a sourdough started and make it a few times per week. It's really easy, but you have to keep on top of the starter and feed it which of course in the end I didn't and it turned all black and yucky.

Yay for more underboob, and here's too keeping it through luteal and beyond! I am also trying to incorporate more massage throughout the day, as it really can't hurt. Ah PH, let this be the year for us??
Dminer, I really hope yours will be a success story. And that roller coaster is only I'd be super happy to get on. Save me a seat will ya??

 

[Padded Hell]

Minnie,

AF arrived late again. Felt so awful this time & my boobs looks so flat again :'(. Absolutely nothing going on there. This post has started well, hasn't it? Moan moan whinge whinge...

The hemp hummus sounds like a great idea! It must be packed with protein too . Is it easy to make? I tried to find safflower oil a while back. Went to all the supermarkets & none of them had it. I'm sure they sold it in Tesco & Waitrose at some point in time. Maybe I was imagining it!? I figured I'd end up having to buy it online. How are you finding it? Have you noticed any positives??? We've got to exhaust all our boobie options, before we can hang our cups, haven't we?

I honestly don't know what I'm doing wrong, Minnie. Although hubby thinks NB is working for me (I was having yet another moment of doubt), he mentioned that I needed to be 'realistic' about my goals. Basically, he doesn't think I'll get anywhere near a B cup - ever. Tbh, it stung a bit hearing that . I feel like I'm losing sight of why I'm doing this altogether.

I've been doing more massage too. I don't do chi massage anymore (didn't seem to work for me. There's a theme going on here ). I just do a generic sort of massage, focusing on the tops of my boobs where I need growth the most, and I incorporate massaging near my underarms to try and build up the sides. I might try fat brushing again. Why can't I just buy a genie's lamp & rub that instead? I don't even need three wishes. Just the one


Dminer,

Sorry i haven't replied sooner. I stay away from the boobie sites sometimes when I feel down about my progress. You sound like you're enjoying your journey, with all it's bumps in the road ;D. I'll check out your pics shortly. The wierd squishy boobs thing sounds like a good sign. The strangest thing I experienced once, was looking really REALLY flat for a few days, followed by a small growth spurt. Who knew?

 

[Kristin00]

PH- I just wanted to chime in and offer some encouragement. We all go through that time of the month and our breasts look really flat and unfortunately, for me anyway, that also comes at a time when my hormones are crazy and it is making me feel really down. In some of your recent posts I saw it looked like you had seen some signs of progress. Hold on to that... You're doing this for a reason. You may not have seen the progress you wanted so far but you never know when your breakthrough could come and one of these days you could look back and say "I'm so glad I kept with it!"
I know I'm new to the forum and others may respond that can give more encouragement but I've seen in your posts how long you've been doing this. While I haven't used my NB very long, I admire your dedication and your post tugged at my heart because I've felt that disappointment over my body many times. I'll say a prayer for you. Hope today is a better day!

 

[Padded Hell]

Kristin,

Thank you for the words of encouragment . It really cheered me up. My last post had 'crazy hormones' written all over it, unfortunately :-[, & I completely lose perspective at this time. You're right though, I do need to hold onto the progress I've made. Easier said than done, when it seems to be taking forever :-\. I think hubby didn't help either. He didn't intentionally mean to upset me, but I took what he said to heart. It was a reality check. He's the one who wants me to carry on noogling though! So, I suppose something must be working. You know how sceptical blokes can be

I hope you make good progress with NB . I think the early days are the hardest, to keep motivated etc, but it's so rewarding when you start seeing results. Then you start getting seriously addicted, you blink...and three years have gone by in a flurry of massage oil and heat pads. I wish you the best of luck , and I'll hang in there too!

 

[dminer84]

PH,

So does that mean I got "crazy hormones" too? I can feel that way too because I'm feeling impatient lately. My 5 months pales in comparson but I understand! As for the husband, I'm quite sure he meant well and just wishes to comfort you but alas we guys do tend to f*ck that up from time to time. I sure wish I could lend a shoulder for those dark moments but remember, we'll always be here to help dust you off and give a leg up to try again.

This morning I woke up, stretched and started my massage routine. To my initial horror, I felt squishy, flat and totally lacking. I was ready to cry! Who the hell stole my boobs?! It probably took me 10 minutes to shake that off and remember past experiences with that feeling. I hope it means more growth is coming but it really sucks having to feel like "1 step forward, 5000 backwards". I'm sure it doesn't compare with AF deflate "fun" but rejoice, you're not alone!

DJ

 

[minnie34]

PH, I am very sorry to hear that. And moan away - if you can't moan here then where can you moan??
You have my sincere sympathies as AF took it all for me this month too. And horrible cramps as well. Do you take any fish oil? I've been reading a bit about fish oils and periods and there seems to be a correlation there. But from what I understand, it needs to be either Krill oil or cod liver oil, good quality stuff. I've taken fish oil and off throughout they years, but never really committed to it. Am thinking that it might help. Anyway, I digress.

Hemp hummus is super easy to make; http://www.foodmatters.tv/articles-1/hemp-hummus-recipe
I devoured it in a few days but didn't feel guilty as it is all pure goodness. I find it hard to locate store bought hummus made with olive oil only; most of them have vegetable oil too.
I ended up getting the safflower from amazon but it was only something like 6.99 (for 500ml, organic) and free delivery too. I think it was this one: http://www.amazon.co.uk/Clearspring-Organic-Safflower-Oil-500ml/dp/B0013G370K/ref=sr_1_3?ie=UTF8&qid=1392486258&sr=8-3&keywords=safflower+oil

I haven't seen anything yet but then again, I haven't been very consistent. I've only noogled twice this week, when AF is on I'm just not in the mood. You're not doing anything wrong PH. Neither am I. Our bodies simply don't respond the way we would like them to. I've been thinking about what you told me about having a traumatic experience as a teen, and how this could have stunted growth. The more I think I about it, the more that makes sense. I also experienced something traumatic in my early teens, and I think that this, combined with hormonal imbalance, definitely can have an impact. And, add also our perception of ourselves as small-chested women. I mean, the placebo effect has been proven more successful than the real thing at times. Imagine if we were given a pill that we deeply believed would make out boobs grow, do you think it could happen? I wonder, if we could get past the idea of having small breasts and really, really, truly and deeply believe that our boobs are growing, shifting our perceptions of ourselves as women with larger breasts, could it happen?

I don't know. Because part of me wants to say that your husband is right - we need to modify our expectations or we'll make ourselves very unhappy. This is our 4th year of noogling - I am no longer Minnie34 but Minnie38. Will I still be here when I'm Minnie46? So in a way, perhaps it is make or break time for both of us. Either we accept that your hubby is right, and that in order to modify out expectations we might just as well hang up our cups. Or, we refuse to accept it and failure simply isn't an option and we refuse to allow ourselves to see anything but growth and improvement. What do you reckon? Do we have the energy for one final tango?? Will we make the 4th year the magical year when it *finally* happened, because we refused it not to? What do say my long-term noogling buddy?

 

[dminer84]

Minnie & PH,

I want you two ladies to know that I really respect and admire both of you. Both of you have been shining examples of dedication. This alone is simply beyond inspirational and it moves me each time I think about it. I simply refuse to believe that your bodies are somehow impervious to tissue expansion but hormone balances will definitely play important roles.

I'm male and some things about the female condition is a bit abstract to me; however, my NBE has opened by eyes to some of it (never did believe nipple soreness until I got an overdose of it for example). I'm reading and studying about this topic and naturally female reproduction is always tied since society really hasn't accepted males seeking it.

I believe both of you have mentioned estrogen dominance which can cause all sorts of problems (many appearing ot be completely unrelated). I am wondering have either of you done some basic testing to perhaps understand your cycles? Additionally, is ovulation in sync with each ovary? I'm guess perhaps not since I've see both of you wondering "so now when will AF hit?"

I get the impression both of you dear ladies have been coping with complex rhythms and imbalances and I so would like to help if I can. I have been seeing lots of linkages to progesterone and estrogen imbalanes for menstruation irregularities. There is an over the counter saliva test that can help check progesterone level (not the most reliable but beats $100s for blood tests). Unfortunately, I've not seen a reasonably usable estrogen test. What I'm wondering if the ovaries are out of sync on their cycles then the whole system will be whacky (they can usually hope with 2-4 out of sync but like 2 week sync problems is very rough on women).

I can understand if you don't wish to discuss with this me or on this forum. It is very intimate details but if you haven't looked into this line of thought then I would suggest at least a bit of inquiry. The fact your bodies function to maintain skin, hair, and minor injuries is proof the ability to respond to tissue expansion is not a lost cause. But prologed high levels of either hormone will interfere with breast tissue development and something this can be dealt with via diet, supps or medication (last resort IMHO).

Again, let me apologize for any presumption but I do care and wish to help.

DJ

 

[Padded Hell]

Dminer,

I just back from a short holiday break. It was good to get away from it all, and I feel like it cleared my head. I've come back to the noogling with a more positive attitude as well

Thank you for your lovely opening words in your last post. I'm happy to be inspiring someone! We all need each other on here so much. It would be so disheartening just chugging away on your own, day in day out.

Well, it sounds like you're already experiencing some of the hormonal issues yourself! It's such a complex issue that it's hard to know where to start. I think I need a comprehensive panel of all my hormone levels done but they are so expensive & I really can't afford it. My doctor was not very sympathetic & seemed to think it was more of a psychological issue than a physical one. Grrr . I've long suspected that my problem is due to insufficient progesterone. I'm almost afraid to take anything hormonal now, as I don't want to exasperate things even more. I'm going to start looking into my thyroid function, as this can also have a profound effect on hormones as well. I've always had a high metabolism (slowing down a bit now though) and I wonder if it's somehow related :-\

Noogling appealed to me, for the simple reason that it wouldn't involve hormones. Although, I'm sure hormones are part of it. When I first started noogling, my libido went through the roof, & I felt like my brain was flooded with oxytocin, as I went around in a happy cloud for about 3 months . Oh, those were the days *skips in soft focus through a meadow* ;D

 

[Padded Hell]

Minnie,

I've pulled myself together a bit. It won't last! Three weeks from now, I'll fall into the abyss again. You know the drill ;D. I had awful cramps too. Lasted three days, dear lord, not fun

I do take fish oil every day. I take 1000mg cod liver oil. I haven't really noticed any significant improvements, hormone-wise, but it does help my joints. Maybe I should give Krill oil a trial run?

Thanks for the link on the hummus! I'm going to try it. Hubby is in for a treat! He loves the stuff. I've decided to go on an alkaline-based diet for a month. I feel like my liver needs to detox, and I've noticed how much my body struggles with dairy products. So, I'm going to restrict them as much as possible too. I might even try making some hemp milk. In no way am I obsessed with hemp ;D.

I feel strongly the trauma in puberty was the culprit for my stunted growth. I remember being so stressed that I couldn't eat or sleep & this went on for ages. The two very things you need to grow. I think my body used up all my progesterone to make bucketfuls of cortisol, and it never really fully recovered somehow. When you internalize stress to such a degree, it seems to manifest in the physical. it's interesting you mentioned about our perception as small-chested women. I almost had a sixth sense when I was younger that I wouldn't develop breasts. Did I somehow make that happen?? When I've tried hypnosis, I've found it difficult to visualise myself with bigger breasts & to focus on warming sensations etc. There always seems some kind of disconnect in my mind. I think my conflicting attitude to growing up & becoming a woman probably didn't help me much either. Oh dear, someone needs therapy ;D

This is definitely the make or break year for me, but I keep digging my heels in. I need to feel I'm doing something to help myself. A part of my brain regularly tells me "What are you doing this for? Aren't you getting a bit old for this?" But the other side of the brain says "because I deserve to wear at least one plunge bra in my my sorry life, so butt out" There's a bloody war going on in my head, Minnie. it's exhausting. Do you feel like this???

 

[minnie34]

Yes, all the time. I am in a constant argument with myself; one part of me saying how this doesn't work and how I might even be damaging myself, the other that I have to keep going as maybe, just maybe it will happen any day now! Yup, glad that no one can hear what goes on in my head, think I'd be heading off for the funny farm straight away!

I am back to noogling almost every day now, having only done 1-2 weekly sessions since the summer. I figure that if I'm going to give it a proper go, I might just as well go for it and properly commit. I don't think that taking breaks works very well for me - I have been taking them regularly for a good while now, and if anuthing, I think I need to keep reminding my body what is is supposed to be doing. What I have noticed is that I get pretty good swelling if I noogle with a bigger cup first, so one hr with the CLs and then switch to the L for at least nother hour. When I do this, boobs go waaaay further into the cups than if I had noogled with only the L's, so that will be my strategy for the next coming month. And hopefully some regular hydro as well, but apart from that I have no more ideas or cunning plans....My boobs seem to have a will of their own.

I think the Krill oil has proven particularly effective for pms and other hormone related symptoms. I also think it is either high in progesterone or at least helps the body make more. I read an article recently about somebody who had a really bad accident and the parents were told first that he wouldn't make it, and then that he'd be in vegetative state for the rest of his life due to brain injury. Somebody told the parents about progesterone and the impact on the brain so they started rubbing cream on him and whaddaya know - he came out of his coma and they started giving him fish oil and he is now on the road to recovery. In this article, the authors specifially recommended Krill oil. So Krill oil it is, nothing like a bit of anecdotal evidence to send me off to the healthfood shop!!

That hummus is very nice but I am so lazy at the moment, I'm getting it from Tesco. Bad, I know. I think an aklaline diet sounds like a good idea, we all need a bit of balance-restoring eating from time to time. We're in the middle of moving house and my diet isn't great, although I'm still off sugar. But I could do with adding more greens for sure, am inclined to rustle up quick meals like tuna pasta or roast chicken etc. Not too bad, but far from what I would like.

I also find it difficult to visualise bigger breasts. I was a real tomboy growing up and have never seen myself as particularly 'womanly', if that makes sense? Not that I feel male, just quite happy to wear some slacks and converse shoes rather than a pretty dress. Even though I love pretty dresses, but they look better on everyone else
But this doesn't mean that I don't desire bigger boobs, because even if I don't feel very womanly or girly, I still feel female and feminine....Does that make sense at all? God, my brain really isn't liking all this hard work
I hope you understand the very long-winded point I am trying to make!!

And Dminer, please feel free to offer any insight you might have. All input is greatly appreciated, no matter who or where it is coming from. I am already dreading menopause as hormone hell will be turned up a notch or two. Or ten. So to get some of that sorted would be wonderful.
PH, please do let me know of you feel that the alkaline diet has an impact at all, pms and AF wise. It would be very interesting to know!!

 

[Padded Hell]

Even though it's getting harder to have the conviction to do this anymore, bizarrely, like you, I seem to be trying my hardest at the minute :-\. I want this to work so badly, and I can't keep racking up the years indefinitely. This HAS to be the year!!!! So, it's commit or be committed!! Does the funny farm have room for one more?

I'm going to try out your CL cups for 1 hour and then the L's, if you don't mind . I'll report back in a few days, if it works for me. I've had to go back to the M cups for hydro, as I was using L cups & pumping a lot harder. I think that's why I started to get red marks above my boobs, which are still there. Grrr...I hate looking at my boobs!!!

Thank you for suggesting Krill oil! I've been doing some research & it looks promising but I nearly choked when I saw the price! I swung by H&B yesterday & was £24.99 for the women's type ones. Gulps, then scrabbles around the back of the sofa for any spare change ;D. When I was researching it, it did say you can take it for 7 days before your period is due, and then the first two days of AF. So, that will make it a lot more cost effective, don't you think? I plan on taking my bog standard cod liver oil for the rest of the month.

So the shopping list this month so far is Krill oil, Safflower oil and I've just bought 3 months worth of Agnus Castus. I think my ED is getting out of hand again. My stomach looks and feels so bloated & my mood swings are something else! I didn't really want to take any more herbs but AC is fairly gentle. It seemed to help me last time, but I was younger then. I'm nudging into 'old bag' territory now

I was a tomboy growing up too! I'm still a leather jacket & jeans sort of girl, but I've definitely got more in touch with my girly side these last few years.I'm still not into the colour pink though! I think my tomboy thing stemmed partly from the lack of boobs thing. I felt I couldn't compete with other girls, and so felt I didn't deserve to look feminine in a sense. I didn't want to draw attention to myself, for fear my insecurities would be picked up on (which they were anyway!). I suppressed so much at the time, then it all came bursting out later screaming 'I want boobs!'. I've always felt very feminine too, but it always surprises me when other people have said it to me, because I feel like I project more of an image of 'male-ness'. We're all a male/female combination anyway, aren't we?

How is your house move going? I think that's one of the top three most stressful things on the list, isn't it? it must be hard to fit in noogling with all that going on & you're still off the sugar! I'd be reaching for the choccy biccies by now! The alkaline diet is getting boring, but I feel cleaner on the inside. If anything though, I've had more IBS. Me & raw food don't mix . I'm hoping it's just my body detoxing.

 

[minnie34]

PH, sorry for being AWOL. Just moved house and am still living among boxes. It sucks!
No noogling for ages either, with all my determination to noogle every day. Will be back real soon with proper update, once things are somewhat back to normal again. Just wanted to let you know where I've been. Talk soon dear bosom buddy

 

[minnie34]

Plenty of room on the funny farm, but only those wearing padded bras need apply!!
Yes, this HAS to be the year. I keep telling myself this, and yet, deep down, I don't know if I believe it
I keep thinking that perhaps there is something different I can do, or maybe there is this one magic potion that I haven't managed to stumble upon, which will be the holy grail....Of course, that's not how it is as i know very well by now.
So where does that leave us I wonder??

I managed to find my NB among all the boxes and squeezed in a couple of sessions. Squeeze being the key word as I also managed to incur the wrath of the dreaded red dots and some bruising around the armpits too. Lovely. So another break it is.

I am not taking the Krill for women btw, as I think it has soy in it. And I'm not sure if it is the Krill, but last AF was the easiest one I've had in years, cramp and flow wise. Of course, boobs were robbed but that was to be expected. Don't think the oil will every prevent that unfortunately

So tell me, have you tried larger-to-smaller cups yet? I'd love to hear how/if that is working for you. Did you start the AG yet? Curious also to hear how that might be working for you, it was a bit of a disaster for me, but am still glad i tried it.

Yes, alkaline diet is rather bland. Raw food does not agree with me either, I find it very difficult to digest and feel like I have a ton of bricks in my stomach when I consume a lot of rawness. What I do find working well is sprouted and soaked stuff, for some reason that feels very gentle on the old system. So, unfortunately nothing new or exciting to report, boob-wise. I am still living in la-la land I think, hoping to reach at least a B-cup before the end of the summer. Is it too sad to hope there won't be beach weather this year??

 

[Padded Hell]

Congrats on your house move! I hope it all went smoothly. We had the builders in last week to repair some damage the high winds and torrential rain did. We got off lightly but it still sucks!

Glad you managed to get some noogling time in amidst the chaos. I just started up yesterday again. Had a week off when AF hit, and yes, I've managed to acquire a few red dots too . Always, happens after I have a break, even when I think I'm pumping lightly.

I tried your CL's then L cups method & it did seem to make them project out a little more. So I'm going to continue, thank you! AF didn't didn't have such a dramatic boob-robbing effect this month, so I feel a little more positive this month. My right boob seems to be making some progress, but my left boob is the real problem. Despite pumping it on its own for an extra 30 mins each time, it doesn't seem to be progressing much. I've even modified my NB system to make it easier to pump just one without fiddling about with tubing etc.I added an airlock just before the t-piece on the right hand side of the tubing (my bigger boob). So, when I only want to pump my left boob, I can just detach the right cup with the airlock, and continue pumping the left one. That might be hard to understand without seeing it, but it works like a dream

I've been using AC for about two weeks now. I think it's definitely having an effect on me, for good & bad. It shortened my long cycle from around 42 days to 36, which I'm happier about, but my emotional stability is so shaky! I'm ricocheting between feeling relatively ok to plummeting the depths, sometimes within the space of a day. Crying at the drop of a hat too. Ugh. I think it's too much of a coincidence that it all seemed to get so much worse when AC came into the mix. I'll give it another month, or until hubby packs his bags ;D, to see if it's worth continuing.

I've decided that at some point this year (hopefully in the next couple of months), I'm going to put some pics on here. Hubby doesn't need to know. It will be a massive hurdle for me to get over, but I think it'll be liberating. I'm still angry with myself that I didn't take pics when I began, as there will be nothing to compare them to, and people on here won't be able to see improvements from the ironing board that I was. Hindsight really IS a wonderful thing!

I haven't bought my krill oil yet, so I'm pleased you mentioned it might contain soy. That's the last thing I want! I'll be in H&B scrutinising every packet now!!

I've been thinking more about possible emotional reasons which might be stopping my growth, so I've decided to give EFT (emotional freedom technique, in case you're not familiar) a try. I'm sceptical to put it lightly, but also just about willing to try anything now. It's sort of incorporates a positive affirmation, while tapping on a sequence of meridian points, and focusing intensely on your problem. I feel a bit silly doing it, and don't really know if I'm doing it right mostly, but it's worth a go, I suppose. I can add it to my CV of quakery, alongside binaural beats (migraine-inducing), accupressure, reflexology (discovered I hate feet), hypnosis (helped my insomnia, bypassed my boobs) and let's not forget magnet therapy :-[.

Hope I don't sound too bitter! Anyway, don't worry if you're too knee deep in boxes to reply. Get back to me when you have a spare moment

 

[minnie34]

PH, that is exactly what AC did to me too - every day was like a PMS groundhog day. Yes, definitely stay away from Krill for women. I take the Udo's choice one, just regular Krill. At the moment it is packed in a box somewhere with the rest of the house - gah moving is a pain!! mind you, even having trades people around the house is annoying enough so I don't envy you that either!!

Glad to hear the bigger-to-smaller is working for you, even if it is only an ever so slight improvement. Anything, anything at all that might shake things up a bit is welcome at this stage eh!!

Good for you, deciding to put up some pics. Yes, definitely liberating and a good way to get over oneself a bit. hubby never needs to know, unless he logs on here and recognise them!!
I am thinking about putting some up too at one stage, but the problem is that since I do have something to compare them with, I might just get utterly depressed at the lack of progress! So you see, we just can't win no matter what we do

I have heard of EFT from friends and would be very interested to hear how you'll get on. Sceptical as I am, I am in no doubt over the ability of the mind to affect the body. I discovered a little crack in my front tooth last week, cue a whole week of tooth ache and sensitivity. Upon closer inspection, I discovered an identical crack (they are very small and can only be seen in bright light) in my other front tooth, totally symmetrical. Doh! Obviously part of my teeth. No more tooth ache or sensitivity. Imagine if this could somehow be transferred to the old boobies; a deep and genuine belief that they are growing. Could they? I don't know. But I wouldn't rule it out. So go for it, with gusto. You've nothing to lose and everything to gain, literally!!
Boxes waiting to be unpacked calling my name. 'Twas a much needed break to come on here for a little while!

 

[Padded Hell]

AC is still causing mayhem with my moods. I don't know how long I can go on like this for. This should be my 'calm' week of the month but it's anything but . I feel like I'm avoiding people now, as anything could start me off. We must have very similar body chemistry, mustn't we? I'll give it another week or so, and if there's no change, it's getting binned.

I'll check out the Udo choice brand online. Thanks . Do you take it the whole month? I'm encouraged to hear you had a lot less pain during AF. I think I can count on one hand the amount of relatively painfree periods I've had so far. I hate taking painkillers too. So, if it cuts down on the amount of them I take each month, that would be brill.

I've ordered a book 'EFT for dummies' which I'm still waiting for to arrive. I've started trying to address a few emotional problems relating to my boobs. The list keeps getting longer though, each time I try it! All the issues we've talked about on here really - female identity, being teased, low self esteem. When I was tapping on some of these issues, a few forgotten memories jumped into my head completely spontaneously. So, maybe there is something to this *half-hearted shrug*. I'm just going to throw everything at this, this year.

I had the same thing happened with one of my front teeth! I could clearly see a crack going through the middle of it & of course the worry-anxiety-worry cycle sprung into action. I think as you get older, your teeth become more translucent, and so you can see them more. I had this wierd thing a few weeks ago, where it felt like my teeth were shifting about in my mouth. You didn't know I had dancing teeth, did you? ;D I put it down some a TMJ related symptom in the end. Hasn't happened since. Wow, It's great to be so well-adjusted, isn't it?

 

[minnie34]

PH I swear we were separated at birth!! My teeth have been moving as well this past week, I am sure of it! I am not ruling out a super slight touch of TMJ here either from the accident. Not as bad as hubby - he still can't chew gum for example - but at times there is definitely pain and ever so slight clicking in the jaw.

I hear you on the AC. This nutritionist I was attending put me on it and really recommended that I soldier through in order to do at least the three months for full benefit. But I couldn't because not only was there a constant tirade of PMS symptoms, but I also had horrendous ovulation pain as well as menstrual cramps all through my cycle. Recently, it came up in conversation with two other women and guess what - they also had bad experiences with AC!! So I guess for some, it simply doesn't work, no matter how gentle it is compared to other herbs.

It will be interesting to see what AF will be like this month. I was taking one tablet a day, two during the week leading up to AF. They are not cheap, but currently the only supplement I am taking (except Vit D3) so I figure that it is worth it, if it can help. I too absolutely hate taking painkillers and am quite sensitive to them; if i take Nurofen Plus I am woozy all day. Very few painfree periods here too. I started mine when I was 11 and have been plagued ever since. One massive benefit with breastfeeding - I didn't have one for 17 months which was pretty blissful!

Am very interested in how you will find the EFT book (I love those for dummies books ). I am also trying to get more to the root of the issue and as well as what you are mentioning about female identity and being teased, I also wonder if there was a defense mechanism put into place, but I'm not sure I'm even able to explain that properly. I remember the feeling I had when the shift from child into an adolescent started to happen and how I found that an uncomfortable place to be, mainly because of starting secondary school and a lot of us getting attention from the older boys and the innocent way of relating to boys (having a crush, hoping to get a slow dance at the disco etc) all of a sudden turned into something more sexualised and there were a few occasions where there was a bit of groping of pressing up against the leg etc....And I found this really uncomfortable as would be normal for a 12-13 year old, and I actually remember not wanting any attention from boys, to just continue being a tomboy and ride my bike and keep it all simple.

Does that make sense? I am starting to think that maybe it is possible that I stunted my own growth subconsciously from the desire of being left alone. This probably sounds like complete hogwash, but I am reminded of stories of how women in labour would progress nicely (this is when childbirth was midwifery led) but once the doctor (male) entered the room, the woman would stall completely and the labour became long and drawn out. So the body/mind connection obviously has lots of different mechanisms to protect ourselves from what we perceive as threatening or unpleasant. Well, I don't blame you if you think I am grasping at straws here. All I know is that when I try to visualise myself with bigger breasts, there is a definite barrier there, which I am guessing, is emotional somehow. So very interested indeed in how you'll get on with the book!!

 

[Padded Hell]

It's a wierd sensation feeling your teeth moving about, isn't it? That's so freaky that you've had it. I thought you'd think I was nuts saying that! It wouldn't surprise me if you have a touch of TMJ, seeing as you've just moved house! H gets it slightly, when his job gets stressful.

Guess what? I stopped taking AC yesterday. I was getting more & more depressed each passing day, and it was beginning to get scary. I didn't feel like myself at all. I though I was imagining it & overreacting, but then I googled 'Vitex and depression'. So many women were saying the same thing. One even said 'I'm crying at the drop of a hat', which is exactly what I said in my last post. Hmmm :-\ I had a nasty headache all yesterday afternoon, which was exactly like the one I had when I first started taking it 3 weeks ago. I also was feeling so tired, my skin looked really dull & I started getting sore pms boobs in follicular phase. So much for 'gentle' herb! Next time I start talking about herbs, remind me of this little episode! I've probably screwed up my next cycle now, but on the bright side, I'm not going to throw myself under a bus or train;D. The problem is that it increases dopamine ( which aids progesterone) at the cost of serotonin. So, if you have low serotonin levels, (I know I do. Why I use a lightbox for SAD), you're more than likely going to get depressed. It seemed to amplify all the underlying problems I have. I just want it out of my system asap! From now on, I'm going to concentrate on balancing my hormones with supplements & nutrition only. I feel really annoyed with myself for not thinking this through properly . Doh!!

I'm going to wait until next month to start the krill oil, as I want to give my body a rest from anything new. Have you ever tried sea buckthorn oil? I might try this at some point in the future too. I'll see how I go with the krill oil first.

Finally, the red marks above my boobs are starting to fade! Are you finding any time to pump at all? My boobs look flat & empty-looking again. I despair but I'll still keep blindly forging ahead :

I got my EFT book this morning Looks really good. There's a chapter on physical issues. Yippee! I have to do the hard work now

You brought back so many memories talking about your adolescence! Aah, those glorious bike rides, sun on my back, dreaming away....

I think your defence mechanism theory has a lot of truth in it. It's like a survival tactic, which ultimately backfires on us in the end. I remember feeling very reticent in my early teens too, when it all starts dawning on you about boys, sex & everything that entails. You know how predatory some boys can be at that age. It was too full-on! I felt that I rejected it unconsciously through fear & confusion. I was also bought up in a repressed, 'we-don't-talk-or-acknowledge-things like that' environment. That certainly didn't help. I think it gave me a sense of shame that took a while to shake off. Now, I just have to convince my body that it's ok to grow NOW!

A while back, I saw over on BN one girl had photoshopped a large pair of breasts on her body. I thought that was a clever idea. Makes visualising a whole lot easier! My boobs are demanding I get more computer savvy. How dare they! They've never done anything for me after all! ;D

 

[minnie34]

Hi PH, how are you keeping? I am so sorry for falling off the posting wagon - this last month it was just one thing after the other but mainly the dreaded flu which kept me wiped out for three weeks solid. And then the kids got sick of course and now I have an earache once again, praying to all the gods above and below to spare me another dose. It really is the pits. But sick and all as I was, I still managed to noogle a fair bit. I feel very proud of this dedication, my old school teachers would be proud

Very glad to hear you decided to stop taking the AC. Potent stuff, and not to be messed with. Tempting as it is, I will stay away from herbs full stop, no matter how gentle they supposedly are. I hope your body has managed to recover somewhat. Very interesting about the dopamine vs serotonin. I'd say my levels of the latter are pretty low too, judging from past experiences. So no wonder we both had such a bad reaction. Don't be annoyed with yourself - we'll just have to chalk it up to the ever growing list of experience
I wonder, are there foods and supplements that encourage dopamine production without messing with the serotonin? Google it is!

I've never tried sea buckthorn oil but you have of course awakened my curiosity now. Another thing to check out!!

I'm glad the marks are beginning to fade. With my increased routine (as in scr** the breaks and noogle as often as possible) I can see that there is definitely a huge potential for ring marks to become more of a permanent fixture. I try to remember to massage a but after a session, especially where the marks are, to help blood flow back. I'm also using the safflower oil as often as I can remember to just massage them in general, and I am pretty sure that it is what is causing a minor outbreak of spots as I remember reading this happening to somebody else here. However, that doesn't bother me very much as size is all that matters in my case and the spots are simply collateral and I'll accept them if it means that there will be growth. Grow grow grow!!!

How are you getting on with the EFT? I really look forward to hearing how you are finding it, and in particular the chapter on the physical body, in light of our understanding of the effect past experiences might have had on our growth. Have decided to post some pics this month. Gulp!!