Nilly, if he is putting bruises on you, whether he calls it "being playfull" says it's "all your fault" etc. he IS abusing you, period. And he is clearly abusing you mentally. And mental, psychological abuse is MUCH MUCH worse than physical. Most people don't realize that but it's true. My ex that abused me more mentally screwed me up worse than the one that raped me. The physical stuff is just easier to get over, when someone gets in your head it's hard to heal. Bruises and scars on the body heal, physical pain goes away after a while, but mental pain will stay with you forever. I still to this day cry myself to sleep sometimes because of the shit my ex put me through mentally, it doesn't go away unfortunately. But it depends on how you deal with it. I sometimes think about it sure, I cry myself to sleep over it, but the next day I'm fine, I don't dwell on it, I don't allow it to ruin my happiness and life. But yea, it can get bothersome if you allow it to. There was a couple times my husband went to make love to me and was a little forceful and all I could think about was stuff from the past, I broke down and started crying. He would stop and ask me what was wrong, as soon as I could think straight I would tell him and he would just tell me how sorry he was over and over and hold me. But it wasn't his fault. But now since we've been together a bit longer I haven't had those episodes anymore. So yes time can heal some, but if he has been mentally abusing you how it seems to me, then it will always be there. But yea about my original point, NO MAN should EVER put his hands on you in a way that causes pain, period. If you are getting bruises, he knows damn well what he is doing and it's abuse! And an abusive guy will only get worse, not better. From what you have been telling me... if you stayed with him and eventually had sex with him, he would have gotten what he's been "chasing" and would have pretty much been done with you, or would have continued to tear you down, telling you on you aren't good in bed and the girl with the big boobs was better, she worked it better, etc. like I said, guys like that just get worse. I think he was just staying with you to take your virginity to have the bragging rights for it with the guys. Trust me guys like that are trash. And yea my hubby's ex that cheated on him that was a virgin, she cheated on him with his own cousin! And then got pregnant by him, he left her, and then she came begging back to my hubby, and stupidly like the rest of us, he was wearing rose colored glasses and he took her back for a lil while, but couldn't take what she did and broke up with her. He said he stayed with her through most of her pregnancy, but then she kept trying to push him to get married to her and that's when he realized she was using him and just wanted a daddy for her baby that was his cousin's! So that's when he woke up and realized what she was and left. We all tend to let our emotions get the best of us, but you are in the first step... realizing he is a jerk and that you need to leave him as you deserve better. And that step is the biggest step. I use to volunteer at a raped and battered women's support group when I was in the states, and you wouldn't believe the stories I've heard.
One woman, she fell in love in high school, got married when she graduated, got pregnant in the first month of marriage, and once pregnant her husband changed, did a complete 180. He started doing drugs, heavy drugs, like crystal meth. He started abusing her while she was pregnant, she had her baby early because of it. Then he would get his mother to watch the baby telling his mom he was going to take his wife on a date. Then he would drug her, or sometimes without drugs, beat her, force her down on their bed, tie her to the bed with rope then chain her down so she couldn't move, nude of course, and he would bring MULTIPLE guys in, one after the other allowed to do whatever they wanted to her as long as they paid him! He basically was forcing her to prostitute against her will! Just so he could have money for his drugs. And because she thought "oh he'll change" "it's all my fault anyway" etc. she stayed with that pig for 2 more years of that shit. And he also mentally abused her tearing her apart emotionally everyday. She finally woke up one day, she said that he tied her to a chair, clothed this time, and got some girls over, I believe hookers, and fucked them in front of her, but this time her child was home! So that was the last straw for her. And she left him and never looked back. Proved to the cops what he had been doing to her and that he was forcing her to prostitute. He is now serving jail time, for that and on drug related charges. So like I said, they always get worse. This guy started with just calling her names and tearing down her self esteem, just like your ex. My ex did the same, he started with the name calling, yelling at me for no fucking reason, then he started getting more forceful in arguments and started slapping and hitting me, but of course I fought back, then I left him when he started getting forceful with our own child! So trust me, it only gets worse, not better. No matter how much they tell you they'll change, they're sorry, they still love you, they want you back, it's all BS. Stand your ground, leave and never look back.
Oh and for the record I never married my son's father
he told me he wanted to marry me, that is why I got pregnant initially. My son was planned, most people don't know that. I got pregnant at 16 had him at 17 because my ex wanted to get married, but my mom wouldn't give permission, so only way I could is if I was pregnant or had a child with him... so that's what I did, got pregnant. I was ready for a kid, I was more mature for my age. He was the one that hit a brick wall. Well anyway, once I was pregnant is when he changed. Because at first he was all happy about it, ready for his child to be born. Then when I was I believe 3 or 4 months pregnant he changed his mind and told me to get an abortion. I told him to go to hell, that I would never kill my child. So that's when he changed, started the abuse. After the baby was born he asked me again to marry him, but I refused. I told him I'm not marrying an asshole. That when he decided to change back into the person I fell in love with that's when I'd marry him. That never happened of course. I stayed with him a few years after that only because he was my son's father, but like I said, his abuse got worse and worse, and when he started directing it at my child, that's when I left. He also cheated on me around the same time.
So yea my main point here is, stand your ground, don't listen to his BS, you leave and never look back. You'll be fine. And if you ever need someone to talk to, you can PM me and I'll shoot you my email address.
Just concentrate on you and your happiness, don't worry about that undeserving asshat.